Deserted places
by Jasmin 0583
Summary: While Enterprise encounters an unknown space phenomenon, Trip goes missing...
1. Default Chapter

A.N.: This is my first attempt at Enterprise fanfiction and the idea of posting it actually came from my boyfriend – who liked the story and drove me into putting it on the net. So critisism (as well as thanks) have to go to him.

Anyways – I'm not much into any technical details concerning the Star Trek universe – so if I got anything wrong – please be gentle.

Please read and review.

Prologue:

Space isn't a predictable thing – it never was and it probably never will be. The first space flights, the first steps into an unknown and unimaginably wide surrounding had been a pretty dangerous thing. Adventurous and inventive people had participated in these first steps, had taken their courage and had made progress.

Techniques were improving, routine was checking in and travelling through space wasn't an unpredictable danger any longer, to some it wasn't even an adventure any more. But though time had passed on and security standards and the regularity of visiting space had improved there were still moments of danger and confusion.

The universe consisted of things one - especially human eyes - had never seen before and had no idea how to deal with, didn't even know what to make of the things they saw. The human mind just wasn't adjustable to all the wonders space held for them...

Due to the sake of modern science they had systems and technologies helping them to get along with the unforeseen events of space. But that didn't always work. All this science had been found by human minds and crafted by human hands – they were not infailable.

The phenomenon the Enterprise crew encountered this day however seemed to appear out of nowhere. Nobody would have been able to predict it, to see it coming, not even the ship's high skilled technology – it was just suddenly there. Taking an irregular course through the open space of the solar system they were exploring.

It looked like a wave of red and violet jelly that was quickly floating through space, quickening it's pace from second to second and rising higher and higher with every moment. It was a frightening sight, that definitely couldn't be denied and as nobody was able to say which impact this thing would have on a ship or any other constant form, it was even more frightening.

Unfortunatelly Enterprise's sensors, the one vessel which was in the path of the phenomenon, weren't able to detect the danger until it was almost too late. The wave suddenly appeared on screen without any warning, but due to the watchfulness of their armory officer they were at least able to give tactical alert before the wave impacted with the vessel.

Would one have been able to get a quick look through the whole ship the moment tactical alert sounded without any warning and without any word of explanation, he would have seen slight panic at the first moment. But after a few moments, it was replaced by a professional hectic as everybody was readjusting to the situation, trying to prepare for whatever was happening next.

The final impact with the wave was rather rough and it appeared to be a pretty uncomfortable experience, for the wave seemed to change its aggregate state as it connected with the ship. It became as jelly as it had looked from the outside and made it's way through the ship.

Fortunatelly the material the wave consisted of didn't seem to harm anyone aboard who came into connection with the phenomenon. With it's final passing through the ship there was another rough impact as the wave changed to a steady form again. Before they were even able to have a scan on it, it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

It took the whole crew some moments to find their composure again and to readjust to the situation before they restarted the work they had just been doing, looking for any damage the wave had probably caused on the ship. Upon bridge the Captain, who was just having a look at the rest of the present crew, finally stated his orders.

"Have a fullsystem check of the ship – any damages or injured crewman?"

T'Pol was checking the internal sensors, taking some seconds to overview the incoming reports. But as she didn't answer his request he had an impatient look at her station. She seemed to have a closer look at something on the viewscreen in front of her and the light frowning, which was visible on her face told him that, whatever it was she was having a look at, wasn't a good thing.

"T'Pol?"

She finally looked at him, still without saying a word. If he wouldn't have known it any better he would've interpreted her expression as confusion. But confusion was – somehow an emotion, wasn't it? And as she didn't have these...

"I just received the reports from Engineering... From what they say – it seems like the Commander has somehow... disappeared."

"Disappeared? That's not possible – nobody just diappears into thin air!"

"It's what the report says, Sir."

He gave her an extremely disbelieving gaze once again and then turned away from her station. This wasn't true – there probably was some kind of misunderstanding. The sudden appearance of the anomaly and the multiple damages had caused hectic and the people down in Engineering definitely had mixed something up...

"Captain Archer to Engineering."

"Lieutenant Hess here, Sir."

"We just received your report – there must have been some kind of misunderstanding."

"No, Sir – I'm sorry, but there isn't... The Commander is not here and neither was he among those who were injured during the impact... We can't find him, we don't know where he is."

"That's impossible Lieutenant, that's not acceptable. A person can't just disappear. Are you sure there hasn't been some kind of a mixup. It has been a pretty hectical and stressful situation..."

"I'm fully aware of that Captain and I checked it thrice before sending the report to bridge. He's not here, Sir..."


	2. Chapter 1

"I believe you did this, Lieutenant, but that's just not acceptable. I'm gonna check with the doctor – I'm sure he didn't miraclousely disappear."

"Of course, Sir."

Lieutenant Hess ended the comm- line to bridge. She had felt offended – it had been audible in her voice, but Jonathan was not willing to believe that his chief engineer had somehow vanished into thin air. That was simply impossible – and due to the fact that there had been a major impact with an unknown phenomenon and the hectic and business which it had caused, there definitely was some kind of misunderstanding.

"Archer to Phlox."

"Phlox here, Captain."

"May I ask you for an information, doctor?"

Why was he not just asking in first place? Was he actually afraid that Lieutenant Hess was right? That was just insane – this whole incident was kind of ridicolous. A ship wasn't able to simply lose one of it's crewmen. There was no way it could happen.

"Of course, Captain, but I may ask you to hurry – I have a number of crew-members that have to be treated."

"Is the Commander down in sickbay?"

There was a moment of silence, as – at least that was what Jon believed – Phlox was checking through his patient's reports. For Jonathan's liking the silence lasted a few moments too long. Shouldn't the doctor know which crewmen he had treated or was currently taking care of? What was taking him so long?

"No Sir – he's not here right now and neither has he been here since the incident."

"Thanks, doctor."

Once again the comm-link was ended and Jonathan turned to T'Pol. Realisation was slowly sinking in that maybe his science officer, Lieutenant Hess, and the incoming report had been right. Maybe something really uncommon and unbelievable had actually happened. But he still wasn't willing to give in so easily.

"Check the internal sensor devices – how many biosigns aboard?"

T'Pol was busying herself at her station, taking a full scan of the ship and having a look at the results of it. Jonathan didn't even need her to answer him. He knew what she was about to say when she looked back up at him.

"81, Sir..."

Maybe the sensor devices were wrong – maybe the systems weren't working right... They had just been hit by this space phenomenon and this could have caused a mixup with the devices. Missing one biosign maybe was a simple technical failure. He was not willing to believe this whole situation to be actually true.

"Archer to Tucker."

As he should have expected it, but had wished for it not to happen, he didn't receive an answer. Not even a single sound. He tried once again, knowing that the present bridge crew started to shot uncomfortable gazes at him. Once again it was T'Pol who tried to convince him to finally believe in the devices, adressing him in a soft voice.

"I suggest that maybe the Commander's disappearance is somehow linked to the phenomenon we encountered."

Encountered – that was a bit of an underestimation. The goddamn thing had ripped them out of their current course and had caused some serious damage and injuries... But at least he had to admit that her suggestion sounded logical. It was the only acceptable explanation there was for the actually impossible disappearance of a person. It was a thing to begin with.

"Alright then - what can you tell me about this phenomenon that struck us? What was it?"

"I don't know, Sir. The sensor devices weren't able to detect it's presence, neither did they gather any data about it. I don't have any confirmed information about it."

"Have you ever heard of anything like this – is there any information in the Vulcan database?"

T'Pol was looking at him intensively, but – as to expect – without any visible emotion on her face. He wasn't able to read her face, although he actually wished to do so and even more he wished for her to confirm that this wave had been detected by the Vulcans before, that they had gathered scientific information about it, that there was something that would help them...

"No, Sir – there isn't."

He was about to ask her for her opinion now, her speculations about the properties of the phenomenon. She probably wouldn't do it – speculating wasn't an adequate way of dealing with this matter. But however he didn't even get a chance to start a discussion about the right way of reacting, as he was interrupted by Hoshi.

"Captain, we're hailed..."

He turned around looking at her in confusion for a moment. He hadn't expected this to happen. Next he managed to give her a confirming look and his young communications officer opened a comm-line to the alien vessel, that was trying to reach them. The face of a humanoid alien with slightly green skin and velvet eyes appeared on the screen. He seemed to be concerned about something...

"This is the Talian vessel Ylan – are you in any need of assistance?"

Talians – they had never been in any contact with this species before and from the slight look he gave to T'Pol, he knew that neither had the Vulcans. It was a first contact situation, which actually was an exciting thing, but not this time, not today. They were friendly however and that was an encouraging start to this connection.

"This is the NX – Enterprise from Earth. I'm Captain Jonathan Archer. To answer your question – actually we are in need of assistance."

"How may we help you?"

"We were just struck by a space phenomenon..."

"Yes, we know this – we encountered your ship, but unfortunately we weren't able to warn you before the phenomenon appeared. Maybe you would like to have some more information about the phenomenon you were hit by?"

"That would be very kind. We would appreciate your help."

"Alright – we will guide you to the scientific council of our capitol. Our chief scientist should be able to help you."


	3. Chapter 2

A.N.: Sorry for the long wait. But as I haven't been home for the past two weeks – I didn't

really have the time. However I hope you enjoy it. Pleas R+R.

Chapter 2:

Enterprise was asked to take position behind the Talian vessel, as they guided them to the species' homeplanet. It took quiet a while to get there and they were left in absolute communicative silence – the Talian vessel didn't hail them for another time. Not until they arrived and took a position in the planet's orbit. Now once again the alien Captain opened a comm-link and his friendly face reappeared on the viewscreen.

"I'm afraid we cannot allow you to get down to the planet. The building the scientific council is working in is a highly secured place. Only a handfull of people is allowed to enter it and no strangers are allowed – under no circumstances. But I have talked to chief scientist Myran and he agreed to take a shuttle to meet you up here. Do you agree?"

"Yes – we do agree. That's very kind from you. We really appreciate all the effort you're taking upon yourself to assist us."

The Talian captain simply smiled at him without responding. Obviously it seemed to be some kind of codex – rather due to the species' morality or as a military philosophy – that giving assistance wasn't a thing that needed to be asked about. It was granted, if possible to give it and right now Jonathan was happy for any help they could get in their search.

Just moments after the viewscreen went black again, a slight beeping at Hoshi's station focused Archer's concentration on her. The Talian's chief scientist was approaching, asking for permission to land, which was gratefully granted. Jonathan took T'Pol with him to welcome the Talian scientist, leaving the bridge's command to Malcolm.

They welcomed the Talian visitor at the hangar deck, guiding him through the ship, which's design was obviously catching the stranger's attention. He seemed impressed to Jonathan, which left him with the question if the man was actually able to help them. But he had to take into consideration, that this phenomenon probably was crossing the system for million of years already. They definitely had a lot of time to study it.

They were having a bit of friendly small talk as the stranger asked about their homeplanet and the mission of their journey. Questions, which were politely answered, while they were guiding their guests to one of the conference rooms to talk about the Talian's knowledge about the phenomenon. When they finally arrived, the chief scientist seemed to not wish to waste any more time on politeness. He was heading straight to the point of his visit.

"Captain Tyras told me about your – rendevouz... with the phenomenon. Obviously it left behind some damage and a lot of unanswered questions..."

"Yes, you're right it did – and we would like you to answer these questions. Is there anything you can tell us about the phenomenon?"

"We're able to predict it. We can read the signs, which indicate that the phenomenon is building up. It's a necessity... This whole system has a proximity warning system which informs every vessel in the path of the wave immediately. It has become very, very safe by now – we have enhanced a timeframe of almost 2 hours between the warning and the first appearance of the wave."

"So, what does it do?"

"We don't know what the wave consists of and neither do we know what it does. We weren't yet able to explore it's physical properties."

"But you were launching bojes into it. You were exploring – one of your ships was close to the phenomenon as it appeared?"

"Oh – no, you missunderstood our intentions. We didn't launch any bojes... The ship you encountered wasn't an exploration vessel, it was a prisoner ship..."

"A prisoner ship? Why were you sending a prisoner ship up there?"

A moment of silence emerged as the alien scientist seemed to think about a proper answer to the question. He seemed to feel uncomfortable by it and Jonathan was asking himself what this was supposed to be about. Although he had a slight suspicion...

"You may blame and condemn us for it, but the federation of planets in this solar system still allows death penalty. The ship was send to the wave, holding murderers, traitors, rapists and other convicted criminals aboard. That is what you saw – it weren't bojes that were sent into the wave... It were capsules sending the prisoners – they were sentenced for their crimes."

He had been right, he had been absolutely right about his suspicion. But the wider consequences that spread from the answer the scientist had just given him were far to grave to even think about it right now... The wave was used to kill people... There was no chance... No! He shouldn't even start thinking like that. He didn't have any confirmed information about the wave. This wasn't the time to give up. Yet it was still a discouraging answer.

"It kills them..., the phenomenon kills them..."

"At a 98 rate – yes. They are somehow vaporized by the wave's initial power. We don't know exactly what happens to them. It's the final result that counts – they are gone."

"You said it was a 98 possibility – what about the other 2?"

Once again the scientist fell silent to the question of the Captain. Of course this whole affair was a very delicate matter, but this uncomfortable silence there was, pointed to an extremely unloved fact considering the theme of death penalty in the federation of these alien planets. A fact that wasn't talked about, wasn't liked to be talked about...

"In very, very few cases – it's really a minimum risk... the prisoners aren't completely... they do not completely disappear... It hasn't happened once in the past 15 years, we have been able to enhance our technology. It will not happen again!"

"Oh good lord.."

"Pardon me?"

"I just lost a crewmember to this phenomenon. I was hoping to find him..."

Empathy appeared on the alien's face almost immediately and Jonathan already knew what he was about to say. He didn't want to hear it, though, but there wasn't much he could do to make the stranger stop.

"I'm terribly sorry about this, Captain. But I'm afraid there's almost no chance of survival..."

"Yes, probably – but from what you just told me I should actually be happy that we didn't lose anyone else..."

Had he just said that? Had he really just said he should be lucky? What the hell was wrong with him! He had just lost a good friend and now he was talking about being happy and grateful. He should be angry or grieving or frantically searching for a chance of rescue. Why – for all matters in the world – wasn't he?

"Sorry I'm being that insensitive, but you're right – this is really an interesting matter... looking at it from a scientific point of view. I assume it was caused by the consistance of your ship's hull."

He tried to concentrate and listen to the words of the stranger. Maybe he was able to give him some more detailed information, even if it were just theories and hypotheses. At least it would be a beginning.

"How's that?"

"You need to understand that the capsules that sent the prisoners into the wave aren't made of a solid material. It's a kind of organic composure and it's formable. As you probably have seen the wave – it looks like some kind of jelly to a not scientifically skilled eye and the capsules are of an almost equal consistance. The wave doesn't impact with them, it engulfs and absorbs them. We have tried to send in the prisoners in solid vessels before and this didn't work in almost 75 of the cases. The wave changes it's physical composure if it impacts with another material – it changes its abilities. That's probably the reason why you didn't lose any more of your crewmen. The harder the impact is, the more of its properties the wave loses..."

It obviously hadn't lost enough of its power to not leave behind any damage on his ship. He just couldn't believe what the scientist had just told him. He had confirmed, what he had already been afraid of, what all scientific data and the statements of T'Pol, Phlox and Lieutenant Hess had already confirmed... He had lost his chief engineer to this phenomenon and due to what the Talian visitor had just told him, there was no chance to find him... He wasn't able to think about it – he couldn't even form the words in his head,but the Talian had just anounced it – the phenomenon was... killing the people that were sent into it...

The uncomfortable silence seemed to urge the Talian to say something. Obviously he was afraid his emotionless, scientific analysis actually had hurt the Captain's feelings. It was hard to take such news and due to the Captain's first reaction the person he had lost to the wave semed to have been something more than just a crewman – maybe a friend, maybe even a good one. The Talian didn't wish to leave the impression of being rude.

"I can understand that this is no consolation for you and I guess you wish to search for your crewman none the less. The Talian government will offer you every help we can give. As I already told you, we don't know much about the wave's consistance and properties. And we know even less about its behavior when impacting with a structure like your ship. Maybe there's still a chance for you to find that lost member of your crew."

The offer was surprising the Captain – the Talian didn't know anything about them and still they were willing to help them in every way possible. The friendliness and helpfulness of these people was sheer overwhelming and he very much appreciated it. Especially Myran seemed to understand the feelings he was having, seemed to understand the desperate wish for searching for his chief engineer.

"You're right – I very well would like to search for my crewman and with the permission of the Talian government we will stay in this system for some time longer. I'm still hoping for a good end to this whole incident."

"And it's a very good thing to do so, Captain. The government definitely will be in favor with your ship passing through our system for some time longer. I will also vote for them to allow you to use our proximity warning system. You may follow the course of the wave by using it and maybe you will have a chance to launch some bojes yourself and make some progress in getting information about the phenomenon."

This definitely was more than a friendly offer and Jonathan had the slight impression that Myran would have to fight about his proposal when telling this to the governmental polititians. How important Enterprise's rescue mission would be, it was still a piece of technology been given to an alien and still unknown species. From his own experience Jonathan knew it was never an easy matter to discuss.

"I have no idea how to pay back for your offer. This is extremely kind and we appreciate this to an extend I cannot even find the right words for to explain to you. If we may give anything to you in return, I would be pleased to do so."

"Every information you encounter about that wave will be a help for us in protecting the Talian people from it. I would be pleased to learn about the scientific devices you will bring back from following the phenomenon."

"We would be happy to hand every last bit of information to you, that we will find."

"Thank you, Captain."

That had been it – all of a sudden there was a realistic chance to find Trip or to at least have a chance to properly search for him and find out what had happened when the phenomenon had struck the ship. They had found allies, a species that was willing to help them – without knowing them and without asking for any repayment...

Jonathan himself guided the Talian scientist back to his shuttle, taking another and yet another chance to thank him over and over again. Myran however did do nothing more but smile at him and telling him that the Talian people were happy to help them and that every information they were able to bring back was worth a thousand repayments.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

The Talian government had agreed to Myran's proposal and had given the proximity warning system to Enterprise. They had started their search and had encountered the wave three times since its first appearance. They had been able to launch bojes into it and gather information, but they hadn't even found one hint that would've helped them to find Trip.

All of the bridge's crew had been absolutely enthusiastic when they had started their journey through the solar system, following the phenomenon. But as time proceeded, this enthusiasm and with it hope seemed to diminuish itself. It were almost two months right now and Jonathan had finally made a very hard decision...

He had taken days of thinking about it, sleepless nights of trying to figure out what was the right thing to do. He had taken every last aspect into consideration and he had wrestled with himself to find the right way of dealing with it. It had been a hard time and it hadn't been an easy thing to decide about, but finally he had made his decision.

Now that he was on bridge, the one thing he still had to do was anounce his decision to his crew – make clear to them that he would no longer allow them to continue their search. There had to be a point of finally seeing the truth and reacting to it...

"Set a course for the Talian homeworld."

"Sir?"

"Do it, Travis – just do it."

Without another word of explanation, the Captain rose from his seat and turned from the bridge, leaving for his ready room. He could feel the looks of every last person on bridge staring at his back. He didn't even need to turn again and look at them to see the feelings shining on their faces – confusion, disbelieve and anger... the same feelings he was having right now. It would take some time until grieve would start to mix with the other three feelings – some time of realisation...

He needed the silence of his ready room, needed to be alone for just a few minutes. He could feel the emotions swirling inside his head – taking him to the edge of losing his composure... He wouldn't allow himself to let this happen in front of the whole bridge crew. He was supposed to be a role model to his people and he wouldn't let them see him break down.

The one thing he had to cope with – apart from all the other feelings and as the one person being responsible – was guilt. In a final analysis this was all his fault – he had given the order for exploring this system, which had caused his chief engineer's disappearance and now he was the one to decide, that they would give up their search, to finally admit that there was no more chance to find Trip... alive.

The door's buzzer ripped him out of his miserable thoughts. He had expected this to happen – he knew, although they would never mißachten a direct order, they weren't willing to give up. He knew they would try to talk him out of it, try to convince him to go on – just a few more days, just a few more chances. But it was of no use – it had been hard for him to admit it and even harder to accept that fact, but that's the way it was.

Keeping up hope any longer was just hurting all of them more and more every day they went on searching. They needed to start the process of accepting, of grieving and of finally letting go. They couldn't do this as long as they were still out here chasing this phenomenon in a desperate and senseless search. It wasn't healthy to do so and he had decided – for the sake of his whole crew – that it was time to start to let go...

Whoever was standing behind this door wasn't sharing his opinion. At least his crew was still controlled enough to not discuss the matter openly on bridge. They wouldn't insist against him, against his decision as commanding officer aboard this vessel, but still they didn't like what he had decided.

"Come in."

It was Malcolm to give that information to him. Jonathan could literally see how uneasy the Lieutenant felt to discuss the matter with him, but apart from that... A grim determination lay on his face, which told Jonathan that he absolutely wasn't willing to give up on this matter – no matter what decision had been made and who had made it.

"Sir..."

"I know what you want to tell me – we shouldn't stop our search, there's still a chance, we should keep up hope and we can't leave a crewmen behind. I do know all this Lieutenant – I took it into consideration."

"With all due respect, Sir – but it's not just **a **crewmen we're talking about. This is about a friend, a good friend and I'm not willing to give up on him!"

This conversation was about to get to a turning point – Jonathan had two possibilities right now. He could rather react as Captain or as a friend – telling Malcolm to not exceed his competences or to to tell him that he didn't feel much different, but that he had a responsibility for the rest of the crew too. And actually – he hadn't much power to fight about his decision with anybody.

"I will admit something to you, Malcolm. I was always eager to do the job I'm doing right now. It has always been a wish of mine... It's more than a profession to me – I live for what I'm doing and I love to do it. It's the most interesting, encouraging and lovable profession I can think of, but it's a lot of responsibility and it's not always easy. I have to make decisions and I have to make them without any personal interference. And here's another thing I admit to you – there are days I do hate what I'm doing, days when I curse my profession and today is such a day..."

Malcolm didn't seem to know how to react to the Captain's confession. He probably had expected some kind of heated discussion, but he hadn't expected that the Captain would actually listen to what he had to say, would try to convince him of his decision. But in the end he was just a person, a person with a lot of responsibility though. And Trip was his friend even more than he was Malcolm's. The Captain probably didn't even wish to convince only him of this very hard decision, but himself too.

"It's just that extremely senseless. There's no use in all this happenings, no purpose. He just – died for nothing."

"We don't know..."

"Don't even start this, Malcolm. It's been almost two months now and we have encountered no signs – neither of him nor of this phenomenon that struck us. Don't make that harder on me as it already is, but there is no more chance... We have to stay realistic on this one."

"I didn't mean to offend you, Sir..."

"I know that Malcolm. Believe me I decided on this very carefully and I really would like to take more time on this, as much time as I can give to it, but we don't have the time for this, we just don't have."

"I know, Sir... It's just – that way there's never gonna be any kind of... certainty about this."

"No there won't. I know it sounds macabre, but I really would appreciate if... we had..."

"Found a body?"

"...Yes – it would just make things much easier that way. It's just kinda tragic – it's the second child his family loses, which they cannot burry...This is the hardest part of it and it's even harder considering the fact that I know his parents so very well... They already lost one child, they don't deserve to lose even another."

"No they don't and neither did he deserve whatever happened to him, when this phenomenon impacted with the ship."

"Well – we can't change that anymore, can we?"

"No, Sir – we can't..."

Silence fell between the two of them and Jonathan was pretty sure they were thinking exactly the same thing – What are we going to do next? He for his part lacked of any ideas. He knew what he had to do and he also knew he didn't want to do it. But he couldn't do what he wanted to – keeping on searching was – as he just had told Malcolm – not an option.

"Do you wish to give some sort of memorial service for him, Sir?"

"I was thinking about doing so... The crew needs to understand that we stop our search, they need to understand, that... he's gone."

TBC

Tell me what you think


	5. Chapter 4

A.N.: Thanks for all the very kind reviews. I was reall overwhelmed getting so many of them for just **one** chapter. Thanks a lot. Anyways – on with the story.

Chapter 4:

Jonathan had left all the preperations for the memorial service to Malcolm, he just couldn't participate in this. Of course he had assured his armory officer to ask him for any help or advice he needed, but Malcolm seemed to have understood that he actually wasn't capable of doing so right at the moment. He hadn't asked the captain for anything once...

It surely was a hard task – trying to find a way to make the crew – and oneself – finally believe that a good friend was gone and wouldn't return – not ever. But Jonathan believed to be the one having the more hard task to do. He was the one in responsibility, he was the one to inform Starfleet Command... and he was the one to inform Trip's parents.

He had done a lot of thinking on this part, asking himself if he had kept up the search for such a long time because he didn't want to do this particular job. Of course he had done it because he hadn't wanted to admit that his friend was gone, but even thinking about talking to trip's parents was a task that actually scared him – he had no idea how to tell it to them...

Therefore he had decided to talk to Admiral Forrest first. Neither would this be easy – it was a journey of no return. Once he had told the authorities that they had lost Trip – he had no more chance to keep up any hope. With calling Forrest it would finally be official...

Whatever his personal feelings were however, there was no way not to do it. He needed to inform his superiors, needed to tell them what had happened. He just wished for somebody else to do it...

Maybe this was the reason why it had taken him almost an hour of sitting in front of his desk, staring at the blank screen in front of him and not finding enough courage to activate it and send a transmission to Forrest. He had just sat there, feeling the naging guilt inside of him that was telling him over and over again that he was wrong with what he was doing.

He had no idea how he had finally managed to press the right buttons and send a message to Starfleet. Grim determination had taken a hold on him as he surpressed his feelings of anger and grieve for long enough to fulfill his responsibility. A few seconds afterwards, the Admiral's face appeared on screen – he seemed slightly surprised to hear from him.

"Jon – nice to hear from you. Is there anything you need from us?"

A friendly smile crossed the Admiral's face and Jonathan felt his willpower sink. He hadn't been sure he could do this from the beginning and the cheerfullness of the Admiral made it even harder on him. It had taken him a lot of time and thinking to take that step. For now he just wished to get it over and done with...

"No Admiral, I actually called to inform you about certain circumstances..."

This sounded all so wrong, so unpersonal, so empty, but he just wouldn't find the right words. How do you tell your superiors that you lost your chief engineer and apart from that a very good friend to an unknown phenomenon, taking the last couple of weeks to search for any lifesigns... How did you do this? How did you tell someone you had given up?

"What is it, Captain? What do you need to tell me?"

"I,... we... – we lost one of our crewmembers..."

Silence followed his words as he could literally feel the Admiral trying to regain his composure about the news. Jonathan didn't dare to look at the viewscreen. He wasn't sure he could face the Admiral right now, wasn't sure he wouldn't just lose it if he would see the empathy and pity on his superior's face.

"God, Jonathan – I'm so sorry to hear that! Who is it?"

His thoughts were racing right now and he felt himself lose the battle against the amount of feelings he held locked up inside of him. Guilt was washing over him and he still didn't dare to look the Admiral in the face. His mind was screaming to him that this wasn't right, that he had no proof and that it was too soon. He had no right to give up on his friend so soon, he had no right to do this...

But he knew he couldn't change it any more. He had made the first move, had taken it one step too far ahead and now he couldn't go back any more. There was no chance to back off and get out of the situation any more. He needed to get this to an end now, he needed to finally get over with it, before losing his mind to this goddamn situation.

"It's Tucker, Sir – we lost Commander Tucker..."

Once again, silence emerged between the two of them – only that it lasted longer this time. Jon hadn't expected anything else to happen. The Admiral knew, Jon and Trip were friends, very good friends and that this loss went deeper and was more personal than it would have been with any other crewman.

Jonathan didn't expect the Admiral to give any more words of condolescence to him. It was of no use anyway – words weren't able to help him through and neither were they able to change anything about. Therefore he wasn't even surprised as Forrest went on with procedure.

"You want me to inform his family?"

"No, I'm gonna do that myself. It was my responsibility – I do owe it to him as well as to his family."

"Alright, Jon – as you wish. You got all my sympathy and condolescence, I'm so very sorry about this, Jonathan."

"I know, Sir. Thank you."

He had believed talking to Trip's parents actually would be the most hardest part of all of this. Finding the right words to tell them what had happened, expressing his feelings and finding the courage to look them in the eyes, telling them he had decided to give up on their son.

Actually he hadn't been in need to say anything after all. His face's impression had obviously been clearly readable, showing all of the emotion hiding back behind it. He barely had been able to hail Trip's parents after all and trying to keep his composure was a thing that he only managed by sheer willpower. The moment his mother's face appeared on the screen and she had had a look at him, she had known.

Jon had always experienced her as a very strong, life-loving woman. He had believed there would be nothing in the world that could bring her down. He had never seen her cry, he couldn't even imagine she could do that. She was too much into life to mourn about the surprises and even the tragedies it kept for her.

It was the unfairness of this whole moment that was getting to him. This just wasn't right – there was no justice within it. It was of course a hard thing to judge about, but he just felt that she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to be confronted with yet another tragedy, she was supposed to be happy and he was about to take that from her...

She probably had seen the emotions and thoughts he had right at the moment. Had seen them right there on his face. She didn't even need him to say a word, she knew him all too long and too well to not know it immediately. It had forced him to see one of the most threatening things he ever experienced, had forced him to see something unimaginable... She started crying...

"No..., oh good lord – please NO. Just don't... – heavenly lord – Jonathan please don't..., I can't... Please! No..."

"I'm so sorry..."

He could hear and see her inhale deeply, slightly turning away and angrily wiping the tears off her face like they had no right to be there. She was trying to regain her composure and he knew she just didn't want him to see her like this. She was someone to not easily lose control or at least was in his eyes... Just that this wasn't an easy situation and she had every right to cry.

When she moved back in front of the screen, she had managed to calm down a bit and was able to look him in the eyes again. The signs of her sudden outbreak, of her grieve were still painfully visible on her face, but there was not even the slightest hint of any emotion. She had locked them up somewhere inside for the moment. The real hard part of it was about to come. He was about to explain and defend his decision of giving up on searching for her son.

"What happened, Jonathan – what happened to him?"

It was the one decisive question he had no idea how to answer to. Of course there was a scientific and emotionless answer to the question, but that wasn't what Trip's mom wanted to hear. And it wasn't the point – it was his responsibility and his decision he needed to tell her about that was making this whole conversation so hard on him.

"We encountered a space phenomenon two and a half month ago, which struck the ship. He disappeared that day. I'm sorry – but we haven't been able to find out what actually happened when this phenomenon impacted with the ship. We have taken the past two months of time to try and find him..."

"You stopped searching..."

"We have been searching for him for the past two months, we explored every last place of the solar system the phenomenon occured in and have gathered every last piece of information about it, but we didn't find him, we didn't find anything... It was a hard decision, but it was the only reasonable one there was."

He could see the emotions well up inside of her once again and he knew it had been the wrong words to say. She was angry at him, extremely angry at him, but she tried to surpress it. Still it was clearly visible on her face and it was audible in her words as she spoke up once again – there was a sligh trembling in her voice.

"To a relative... to a **mother** such a decision isn't that reasonable after all. It's the fact of caring about the own blood that doesn't make it reasonable – not even for a moment, not even for one last second. Are you in any way possible to understand this?"

"I know this is hard..."

"No you don't! You have no idea!... Let's don't – let's not talk about this right now, Jonathan. I'm in no condition to argue with you or anyone else right now. I need time, Jonathan – just time – give it to me..."

He didn't receive another chance to respond to her as the comm-link was suddenly ended and Trip's mother's face faded as the screen went black. Jonathan was left speechless by her words and with an absolute feeling of numbness.

She had told him he didn't know what she felt right now, like he had no idea what this loss meant to her. But he did, he did know all to well... He just wished she would understand this...


	6. Chapter 5

A.N.: Sorry for the delay, but I have had a rather busy weekend and didn't get the time to post

any sooner. Anyways – on with the story. Please R+R.

Chapter 5:

**2 years later**

Life had somehow gone on – of course it had, it always did. It had taken a lot of time and as the saying went, time was healing all wounds. Well it wasn't actually true, time just allowed a human being to grieve properly, adjust to the new situation and find a way to go on.

In their case it had meant to find a way to not constantly think of who was missing aboard Enterprise. It had been hard to accept and it probably had been even harder for the person replacing Trip.

It had been a rough time for the entire crew and Jonathan knew it had been unfair giving the new chief engineer such a hard time, but it had been a natural process. Jonathan still found himself thinking about his friend – constantly for he first few month, only a few times a week later one and less and even more less as time proceeded. It had actually gotten quiet sporadic by now and as he had felt guilty for it at first even this had stopped by now.

He was pretty sure the rest of the crew had gone through the same adjustment period and had felt the same kind of feelings. They had established a new routine and a certain regularity once again and it was working. It actually was working pretty well as Jonathan had to admit...

"So what do the scans say, what can you tell us about the planet's surface?"

"The planet is inhabited, Captain, but it looks like there is no native species. There are several types of different inhabitants and all of them are definitely foreign. We alreaedy have been having contact with several of them – these are species that were living on planets close to the anomaly we encountered two years ago..."

Silence fell upon the bridge as T'Pol mentioned the incident . Everybody immediately remembered and knew what she was referring to and it caused a lot of bad memories. They had lost an important crewmember that day and above all a very good friend.

T'Pol finally broke the silence and her words caused the whole crew aboard the bridge to look at her in disbelief. It needed to be a mistake, some kind of mix up with the scanners or simply a matter of desperate wishing, but it didn't change what she was announcing.

"Captain – there's a human biosign down there on the surface... and it's fading."

"A... human biosign? How? That's not possible."

"I know it's highly unlikely, Sir, but the scanners clearly detect it. It is definitely there."

"Is there anything else you can tell me about this signal, any more detailed information?"

"No Sir, not from up here. The planet's atmosphere is interferring with the sensor devices. We would have to send down an away team for further information."

"Alright then... Archer to Dr. Phlox."

"Phlox here."

"Doctor, I want you to meet me and Lieutenant Reed in the shuttlebay in about 15 minutes."

"Sure, Captain – I will be there."

The doctor ended the connection and Jon turned to Malcom to order him to prepair the start of Shuttlepod One and inform him as soon as they were ready to start. He wished to have some moments of privacy before they went down to the surface. He needed some time to think about the information T'Pol had just given to them and the consequences and possible chances that were occuring from it.

"I will be in my ready room. Keep me updated."

"Yes, Sir."

He left the bridge and entered the small, empty and calm room. He felt a certain relief as he was engulfed by the silence of the room – it was one moment he had for himself, one moment he hadn't had to think of all the responsibility that was weighing upon his shoulders. From the window of his ready room he was able to have a full look at the planet. He had no idea what was expecting him down there and he had to admit he was afraid of it...

The soft humming of the door's alarm ripped him out of his thoughts and made him come back to the reality around him. He really didn't wish for anyone to interrupt him right now, but he had expected it. He knew who was standing besides that door.

"Come in."

As he had predicted it, his vulcan science officer was stepping through the doorway, hands clasped behind her back and closely looking at him. He ignored her looking at him and stared back down on the planet below. Uncomfortable silence lay between them, but he wasn't willing to talk about this. He needed to make up his own mind first.

"Captain, may I advice you to think about your decision once again? It is highly unwise to interfer with the people on this planet. As far as I was able to identify the different species, most of them are pre-warp. Going down there with a shuttlepod, aiming at them with phaser pistols and scanning them with tricorders is not an option."

"Look, T'Pol, I know you're not in favor with my decision and I note that you protested against it ,but there's no way you will keep me from going down there!"

"By all due respects, Sir, but what are you hoping to find?"

"You know what I am hoping to find...who actually..."

"I do have a certain suspicion, Sir – but I don't agree with your... hopes. The Commander was anounced dead two years ago, you yourself made the decision to stop searching for him, because you believed there was no more chance to find him."

"But what if we had been wrong, what if we haven't searched hard enough?"

"Captain, this just isn't possible – the chances are unsayibly low."

"But how would you explain this, T'Pol – the biosign, the coincidence with the species from the solar system the Talian federation is set in... How do you explain it?"

"I have not enough information to give any suggestion about this coinsidences."

"Why shouldn't we try to find the information then?"

"As I already told you – we shouldn't interfer with these people down on the planet."

"Your protest is aknowledged, but I won't let this chance go by. I'm not willing to – not for anything in the world!"

T'Pol looked at him, her face expressionless – but her whole Körperhaltung embodied her disagreement and concern about his decision. She knew he was acting by emotions and she knew it wasn't right. They needed to make a logical decision and the Captain wasn't capable of doing this right now. But against better knowledge she didn't insist against him. She didn't know why, but she couldn't do it.

"As you wish, Sir. It is your decision, your responsibility..."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Taking T'Pol's worries and advices into consideration, the Captain had decided not to take a shuttle down to the planet. It was to expect that whoever lived on this planet would want to examine the small ship, and that wasn't a thing they could allow to happen. They needed to be careful.

Carefullness however seemed to be a thing, especially Malcolm was caring about. Jonathan was thankful for that, for having the young armory officer with him. He knew he was as emotional as Jon was, but he was able to keep them locked behind his professionalism. He was closely scanning his surrounding, looking for the last hint of any danger to the away team.

The doctor on the other hand seemed pretty curious about the surrounding, although Jonathan couldn't actually understand where it came from. There wasn't much of any interest to see, just wide seas of sand as far as the eye was reaching. Jon had no idea if there were any deserts on Denobula – maybe the doctor had never seen anything like this before.

"It's quiet an interesting place."

Phlox anounced all of a sudden, giving a warm smile to the Captain and an unfocused handsign to the surrounding.

"Pardon me?"

"It looks absolutely lifethreatening at a first view, but when you look closer – you will encounter lots of life – lots of living creatures in this deserted world..."

Jonathan simply nodded, without really listening to the doctor. He had more pressing thoughts and wishes that were troubling his mind. He had no scientific interest in this planet. The one thing he wanted to know, the one thing he was here for was to detect the source of the ominious bio-sign and find out who it belonged to.

They had beamed down on the planet about half a mile from the bio-signs source away. They hadn't dared to get any closer – they had no idea what they had to expect, but on the other hand they couldn't land further away. The planet's surface was too hot, too life-feindlich to walk around on it for much longer than about an hour.

The temperature was at almost 40 degrees celsius and it was still early morning – it was obviously summertime on this world and the temperature would rise to more than 60 degrees maximum. That was not a surrounding to stay in... They needed to hurry.

The biosign was getting closer with every step they were taking, as they could see by constantly reading the signs on their tricorders. Jonathan hadn't asked him, but he knew Phlox was concerned, he could see it on his face.

"Whoever this bio-sign belongs to – the person is not well, Captain."

Jonathan gave a surprised gaze and a quick nod to Phlox. He hadn't been aware of the fact that his own concern had been that visible on his face. Phlox had a very good eye for every "patient's" feelings – obviously... Still the doctors' words didn't make him feel any more comfortable.

They climbed up a sand dune, behind which a black rocky surface came into view. There – underneath a cliff of stone in the shadow – hidding from the burning sun stood a small – brig-build house. It was tiny, shabby and without any signs of life from their point of. But as the biosign definitely came from in there, there had to be inhabitants to this home.

They carefully climbed down the dune, getting into the rocky valley and approaching the small house. Jonathan could literally see Malcolm's uneasiness grow with every second that they came closer to the house. They were about to make contact with it's inhabitants and they couldn't in any way predict what would happen then.

All of a sudden and without any warning, a shoot rang through the air. It definitely had been fired from the house, but it had hurt nobody. A young and definitely Talian woman had appeared in the doorframe of the house, aiming her rifle at them and angrily yelling in her own tongue. The translator picked up her words and Jonathan hurried to answer her question.

"Who the hell are you guys and what the hell do you want!"

"We came here for help and assistance. We are searching for someone, a man, a human and we have reason to believe he's here at this place."

"I have not even the slightest idea what you're talking about! Now get away from here!"

She was still pointing her gun at them and the look on her face was the one of grim determination. She wasn't willing to trust them, she wasn't even willing to listen to them and she would definitely shoot at them if they couldn't make her believe in their words. It was a rough place to live at and she probably hadn't even an idea of the concept of friendship and helpfullness. Still they needed to convince her. Jonathan was determined to not leave this place before he wouldn't get an answer to the question that was swirling around his mind since T'Pol had encountered the human biosign.

"Please, we really don't mean you no harm. We simply want to help you. The man you're trying to protect may be one of our crewmen and it's our responsibility to take care of him. We know that he's injured and we want to offer you our medical services. We can help you!"

Silence emerged between the four of them and the woman stared at them suspiciously. She still wouldn't lower her gun, but Jonathan somehow had the impression that he had reached her, that he had found a basis to negotiate with her.

"I want you to stay here! I'm going to talk to my companion you believe to be your crewman and we'll see what he says about all this. We'll see if he knows you!"

She went backwards to the house without turning around and still kept the rifle aimed at them until she reached the entrance door of the building. And then she disappeared inside.

As soon as she was out of sight of the strangers she let down her guard and put down the gun. She could hear him in the backroom of the small house and concern immediataly rose in her. She could hear him cough and she knew he was in pain. Maybe the group of outlanders was actually able to help them...

She went to the backdoor room and her concern grew even more when she entered it. Her sound hadn't tricked her – he didn't just sound sick, he also looked that way, in an awful way actually. He was pale, his eyes glassy and barely opened and she could see the sweat forming on his forehead. He was in a fever. She knew she was losing him to a disease unknown to her and she couldn't do anything against it. Not by herself, but maybe she had found a way right now.

"Who were you talking to?"

She managed not to wince when he addressed her, but she actually hadn't expected him to detect her presence after all. She had expected him to be highly delirious. Him not being that way was a good sign, but still the sound of his raspy, low, far away sounding voice was nothing that was giving much hope to her.

"There are some outlanders outside, who wish to negotiate..."

"What about?"

"You,..."

"Me? How come?"

„They say that they know you, that they came to take you back… They say they know who you are."

"Do you believe them?"

"I don't know, but they have a doctor with them. They asked me for permission to have a look at you, to treat your illness..."

"You think this is wise? I mean we don't know who they are, we have no idea about their intentions. You told me that the stranded outlanders on this planet are send here for punishment – they are prisoners, thieves and murderers mostly – as an exile, as a prison. What if this isn't enough for them any more? What if they came here to finish me off?"

"I may tell them to leave, but I won't lie to you – they are far better armed and equipped than we are... If they want to claim you, I can't stop them from doing it."

"I don't want you to get into any danger... Alright then, let them get inside."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

The young woman was getting out of the small house again, still holding the weapon in her hands, but this time not aiming it at them. She gave them another suspicious look, like she needed to think about her decision once again. Then she slightly waved at them.

"You may come inside, but I warn you and I do it only once... If you try anything stupid I will shoot you – straight away."

She was that extremely distrustful, the Captain had no idea how to ever get past that. There probably was no chance to do so. But still they had made some progress – they had been invited inside. Jonathan felt a cold shower run down his spine despite of the extreme heat of the planet. He had no idea what would expect them inside of this building – he just knew what he hoped for.

"Will you come now or are you gonna stand there for the rest of the day! I got more important things to care about, so stop wasting my time!"

Jonathan gave a nod to Reed and the doctor and they hurried to get to the house. They needed to get out of the sun and Jonathan himself deeply longed to get inside of it finally and have a chance to confirm his suspicion. He needed to know...

Obviously he had been a bit to enthusiastic in his wish as the Talian woman's rifle suddenly appeared in his face. She looked at him angrily – he could almost see the glaring in her eyes. She waved the rifle slightly and forced him to take a step backwards.

"Where are you going that quick? Stop right there. You won't enter this house before I told you so! And you won't get in there before you haven't handed every last of your weapons to me."

Jonathan wasn't able to stop him from doing it and he actually hadn't expected anything else to happen. Malcolm was angrily disobeying to the woman's proposal. It was his job to take care of their safety and doing this with a weapon being pointed at oneself and without a chance to defend oneself wasn't the easiest way to achieve it.

"You're going to leave us unarmed?"

"You are the ones who wish to enter my house. So you're going to put down your weapons **now** or I will just shoot you! Don't fool around with me!"

She had her weapon pointed at Malcolm right now and her glare had gotten even more threatening. They were holding up against each other for a moment until Jon nodded into direction of his armory officer, silently ordering him to stop and do what she was demanding.

They handed their weapons to the Talian woman and followed her orders as she told them to take position in front of her and slowly get inside. She was still pointing her weapon at them – maybe there wasn't that much of trust they were sharing. They entered the cool, shady interior of the house, which caused Jonathan to feel a slight relief immediately. The young woman closed the heavy door behind them and looked at them for a moment.

"He's at the backroom, down the hall. He gave his allowance for you to see him."

She once again waved her weapon into their direction and they moved down the corridor. Jonathan had the urgent wish to run, but he surpressed it, holding up to the pace the young Talian ordered them to keep up to.

The backdoor room – the bedroom of the house – was even more shady than the rest of it. He needed some seconds to adjust his eyes to the dim surrounding. But when he finally was able to detect the figure lying in the woodmade, simple bed, he couldn't keep himself from gasping.

It was Trip – it was actually Trip, his friend whom he had believed lost and dead. He was barely able to keep his composure as realisation and the consequences of their discovery washed over him. His suspicions had been confirmed – he had found his friend...

But having a second look at him, he wasn't that sure he could be that happy about it after all. As Phlox had already told him earlier, Trip was definitely ill in some sort of way. He looked thin, worn out and extremely exhausted to him. Apart from that he could clearly see the sweat of fever building on his forehead. He took a step closer to the bed, completely forgetting about the young alien woman. But not for long...

"Stop right there! Immediately! Don't you dare to take a step closer to this bed without my permission!"

With a great effort of willpower he turned away facing the woman. He needed to make her understand that he didn't mean to hurt them in any way; that the man she was trying to protect was a friend of his, a very good friend actually. He wanted to get closer, wanted to take Trip's hand to confirm his presence, to have proof this wasn't all just a dream.

"As I already told you – I don't mean any harm to you. He is one of my crewmen and apart from that a very good friend, a friend I believed to have lost. I just want to help him – that's why I brought a doctor with me..."

"A doctor? Yeah sure – one of you's a doctor. I won't let you near him! I have seen enough of lie, death and mayhem to know all the good tricks. I won't give you a chance to kill him!"

"We have not even the slightest intention to kill him! We want to help him, want him to get well – can't you see he's in a bad shape? He needs medical attention. Why won't you allow us to give it to him? We gave you all of our weapons, exposing ourself to you without any chance of defense – isn't that at least a bit trustworthy?"

It was Malcolm who tried to convince the Talian this time, with a lot of force actually. He was as eager as the Captain to get help for Trip, to not have him suffering any more. The woman seemed to think about it for a few moments, trying to figure out if she could risk to trust them. Finally she gave a short, almost non-detectable nod to them.

"Allright then – you may have your chance. But as soon as you try anything suspicious, as soon as you try to hurt him in any way, I swear I will kill you!"

She stepped aside, leaving room for Phlox to get to the bed. The doctor carefully fetched his tricorder, having a close look at the woman, but she didn't seem to see any danger in it. He moved closer to his patient, scanning him carefully. Once again Jonathan could see the concern on the doctor's face grow.

"How long has he been in that shape?"

"I'm not sure – for about 6 sundowns I guess..."

"A week? A whole week? Why haven't you taken him to a doctor?"

She frowned by his words and looked at him in disbelief. She also felt angry by his offence – what had she been supposed to do? Did they know anything about this planet? Did they have any idea what kind of a life they were living? What the planet was used for? She yelled back at him in fury.

"There are no doctors! This is an imprisonment planet – people are sent here for punishment, are sent here to die – there's no need for medical supplies!"

Silence fell upon the room after her break out and the look on the strangers' faces almost fooled her into believing that they actually hadn't known about this fact and even felt sorry about that. Realizing their try she was hardly able to surpress a laugh. Did they really believe she was that stupid? Obviously they did – at least the doctors' next words to the other stranger, who had approached her first, left that impression.

"Captain – I can't do anything for him down here. I suggest we take him to the ship, to sickbay."

"No! No way! You're not going to take him anywhere!"

"But we can't help him down here!"

"That's not my problem."

"As you are the one living with him and wanting him to get well again – it is very well **your problem**."

She glared at Malcolm who had spoken the words in a moment of deadly silence following. The light trembling of her hands, radiated to the weapon. She took a step closer to Malcolm aiming the weapon directly to his face. Her voice was but a threatening whisper as she responded.

"I know what you're up to, I know what you're trying to do. But I won't let you do it, I won't let you take him with you. You won't get a chance to kill him!"

Jonathan had no idea what she was talking about. Why was she that fixed on the point that they had a desire to kill Trip. Hadn't she understood, that he was a fellow crewman, a friend they had lost and that they were happy to have found again? What was she so worried about?

He couldn't help it, but to get angry with her.

"This man is a member of my crew, a member of Starfleet Command of our homeplanet and it's my responsibility to take care of him. He has friends aboard our ship and a family who deeply wishes to have their son back. You may threaten us and you may try to stop us, but you won't keep us from helping a friend."

Obviously he had finally managed to impress her. She was no longer pointing her gun at any of them, slowly putting it down. Once again she seemed to carefully think about his words, chosing the right thing to do next. Then, she looked him straight in the eyes, answering in a strong voice.

"Alright then – but you will leave your weapons behind at this place **and **you will take me with you. I won't leave him alone."

"Agreed."

Jonathan took out a communicator, telling T'Pol, who was in charge right now to send down a shuttle that would get them back up. He didn't want to risk any more damage to his friend and he didn't want to expose the girl to the threat of being beamed upon a Starship into space. An experience she probably had never made before. He didn't wish to lose that one bit of trust she had just given to them...


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

The shuttle, T'Pol had sent to get them, had taken them back to the ship and Phlox took Trip with him to sickbay. The young Talian woman however – who had seemed absolutely unimpressed by the shuttle, the entire flight and the fact that she was aboard a Starship – asked Jonathan to prove his words about Trip being a crewmember.

He had personally taken her to a guest quarter of the ship opening the computer terminal and allowing her to have a look at Trip's personal file. He had left her alone with it and apart from that he had given her permission to move around the ship freely – except for Armory, Engineering and the bridge.

She hadn't thanked him, neither had she showed any other sign of emotion towards him – apart from suspicion and distrust... But at least she had convinced her to allow them to help and he was hoping to gain even more of her trust by allowing her to stroll around. The last thing he wanted her to was feeling like a prisoner. Right now he was on his way to Phlox.

Jon entered sickbay, having a searching look around the room. But before he even got a chance to cross the room and get to his friend's bedside, he was held back by doctor Phlox. He gave a short, assuring smile to him and took him by the arm – further away from Trip.

"You can't do anything for him right now, Captain – I have him sedated, he will be sleeping for the next couple of hours."

"Why's that? He was asleep when we found him down there and he didn't seem to be in any pain."

"That's right, but he awoke during my treatment and he reacted highly agitated..."

"Due to the injuries? What is he suffering from anyway? You didn't tell us down there."

"His system has been poisoned – probably due to a substance that is contained in the planet's atmosphere. The young Talian seemed immune to it and for a low timespan, even for a few months the substance wouldn't do any harm to the human body. But the Commander had been down there for more than a few months. The substance was slowly poisoning him to death."

"Will he be alright?"

"Giving it the right treatment and some time of rest – yes, he will fully recover."

"That's good? Isn't it?"

The cheerful smile, Phlox had kept up for the whole time of their conversation, vanished now. He took Jonathan even more aside, having another look at Trip for a moment and lowering his voice then.

"I need to talk to you, Captain. There are a few things I want you to know."

Jon couldn't help it, but frowned. Phlox sounded serious, pretty serious. From what he had seen down on the planet and just moments ago - as he had entered sickbay and had a look at Trip - he had looked alright to him. But he wasn't a doctor... He just wanted to know if his friend was okay.

"Alright then – tell me."

"As I already said: the poisoning due to the planet's atmosphere luckily hasn't been that severe. I have been able to treat it and the Commander is recovering nicely. It's a local phenomenon, but as long as he doesn't get back to the planet's surface there's no more danger for his health.

His mental state on the other hand is a completely different kind of thing."

"Is that why he reacted 'agitated' as you put it? Wasn't he able to communicate with you?"

"Yes Captain, it is. He doesn't know your language any more... that may be due to the fact that he and the young woman were possibly communicating in the Talian tongue. But that's not it – there are even more disturbing news, I'm afraid. He doesn't remember, he doesn't seem to remember anything. He seemed afraid when he woke up aboard. The only person he really seems to trust in is the woman that was with him. He repeatedly asked for her."

Jonathan felt his emotions rush through him, which caused his head to swirl. What was this supposed to mean? Why would Trip be afraid of a place he was supposed to know? Jon had wished for this situation to end for good, he had wished for no further complications. But some higher power had obviously decided it wouldn't be that easy for him...

"I just don't understand this. Why doesn't he remember us, why doesn't he remember anything about his past – what happened to him?"

"I'm not sure by now, Captain. The Commander hasn't been speaking to me so far, he doesn't seem to trust me. I would like to speak to the woman – maybe she can tell us some more about how the Commander came to that planet and what had happened to him. From what I know so far, I believe he suffers from amnesia."

"Amnesia... May I see him, try to talk to him?"

"I don't consider this a good idea. He's pretty scared by the situation he's in right now and he needs some time to rest and heal his injuries. Give him some time, Captain."

He didn't want to, but he knew Phlox was right. There was no reason for pushing this whole situation. It was just that frustrating – he had been happy to find his friend and now new and severe problems were occuring. But there was no use in forcing Trip into anything. He needed some more information about what had happened, what had possibly caused the amnesia and right now, there was only one person who would be able to tell him.

Alright, doctor – I guess we should see the young woman then. Let's hope that she can give us some answers."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

The young woman hadn't left her quarters up to the point when Jonathan came back to talk to her. He had assured Phlox to come back and inform about the information the young Talian would be able to give to him.

As he entered her room right now, she was still sitting in front of the view screen, scanning throught the data he had given to her. Disbelief was clearly visible on her face. She probably didn't or didn't want to believe what she was reading right there. Jonathan could understand that – for a person as suspicious as she was, it was definitely hard to read all these information about her comrade.

"I would like to talk to you."

"How is he?"

"He will be fine – he's sleeping right now and the doctor assured me he won't wake up for the next couple of hours."

"I want to see him, be with him!"

"You may, but I need to talk to you first."

Her face's expression grew hard by his words. He hadn't actually been polite – she had probably taken it as a demand and he had already encountered that she didn't like very well to be told what to do. She didn't say anything, but the thin line her mouth had become was a definite sign that he should at least think about apologizing.

"I didn't mean to order you – you may do what you like. But I need some information about the Commander – the sooner the better..."

"The Commander... it's strange to hear you call him that... He already has a name you know – a Talian name as you probably assumed. But if you wish to keep up to your homeworld's expressions... What do you want to know?"

"How did he get here?"

She frowned by the question, leaving the expression with him that she had expected him to actually know about this particular fact. Apart from that there was some other sign of emotion on her face, which concerned him even more – it was pure anger. Anger which's reason he couldn't detect after all...

"The sky parted."

"Pardon me?"

She sighed in frustration, crossing her arms before her chest and once again glaring at him. She didn't seem to see any sense in this whole conversation and his question pretty much unnerved her. But as long as she didn't tell him to leave, he wouldn't stop asking her.

"It's some kind of a vortex, a wormwhole or something like that. It's a pretty unstable phenomenon, it always appears at a different place. From what I have seen it seems to be a very rough procedure for the newcomers – at least their landing is. Sometimes they even die when they land here – break their necks... I'm not sorry for them, they are all criminals, trying to take our things or to even murder us. In all my life I never experienced one rightful and friendly person invading our homeworld... well, except for one."

"That's how the Commander came here? By this vortex?"

"I guess so – I mean you should know better than I do. I already told you – it's an imprisonment planet – they are sent here to die. So as somebody from your world send him here you should know how it happened!"

"We have no idea what happened to him or how it occured. The more urgent question I have to you right now is about his mental condition..."

"He doesn't remember you, does he?"

"How come that you know this particular fact?"

She gave a snort, signaling that he obviously had just asked a very stupid question.

"We have been living together for the past two years... You come to know each other then. To answer your question – he told me. It was actually one of the first things he told me when I found him. He couldn't remember anything about himself. He didn't know his name, neither where he came from or how he had gotten to this place. Everything else remained – his technical understanding, the knowledge of his homeplanet's language, but he didn't recall anything of his personal life."

"You think this was caused by the vortex?"

"I don't know! I'm not a scientist or a physician or a mechanic – I don't know anything about space phenomenons. I don't know what caused his lack of memory, I just know that we never bothered about it. We were living our lifes just fine."

"I'm sorry. But hasn't there been any sign of progress, hasn't he ever had the wish to return to the world he came from?"

This time she started to openly laugh at him. He had no idea what she intended by doing so, but he knew that he felt offended. She started to unnerve him and whatever it was that made her appealing to Trip – he didn't like her. Her respond however made him feel guilt rising inside and anger...

"Why are you here? You sent him here, sent him to this abandoned purgatory. You sent him here to die and now you come back for him with a doctor at hand and that worried expression on your faces? Why did you come!"

"We haven't send him here – for heaven's sake! We lost him. We were crossing the other side of that vortex and we lost him. He simply vanished into thin air! We did everything in our possibilities to find out about his whereabouts, but we never succeeded. We have been friends! And I believed him to be dead! Can you even imagine what it feels like to see him walking and talking again after two years of believeing that he wasn't there any more? Can you?"

"No I can't and I didn't know about that. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm just not used to people being friendly and offering help without wanting a repayment."

"I see that, but I don't want any kind of repayment, I just want to have some answers... so, you don't know anything about the vortex?"

"No – I don't. But I guess it's not a very pleasant experience – being thrown to half the galaxy by a space phenomenon and landing on an unknown planet where there's nothing else but sun and sand..."

"No, probably not... Did he ever show any signs of remembrance, any improvement?"

"His situation improved, but not the way you wanted it! I took him to my house and he stayed with me – he learned my language, adjusted to his new life and formed a new personality with new memories for himself. We never looked back..."

"I really have to thank you – you have been a great help."

"So, I'm free to go and see him now? We're finished?"

Jonathan gave her a friendly nod – a gesture which she didn't return in any way. She got up without looking at him again, opening the rooms door, leaving him behind. Her manners around people definitely could need some improve... Jon got up himself and – against better knowledge and although he knew he was partly invading her privacy – he went to the table to see what she had been scanning through when he had entered the room.

He sat down at the desk, reactivating the viewscreen and opening the last file she had read. It had been the last document added to the file – his very own report to Starfleet Command, informing them about the circumstances of Trip's disappearance... and the confirmation of his death...


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Jonathan had returned to sickbay several hours later once again. He had stuck to the advice Phlox had given to him and had given Trip a chance to relax and sleep a little. The doctor had been right – after what he'd been through he had been in desperate need of some time for himself, some time to relax.

But Jon needed to talk to him. He needed to know if he was remembering anything, if there was any sign of recognition... He had actually been afraid to come back here – he was afraid of what these two years had done to his friend, he was afraid of his reactions. He had constantly been blaming himself for giving up on Trip in the past two years and he knew he couldn't stand hearing the very same blamings and curses from his very on mouth...

He entered sickbay hesitatingly and received an inviting handwave from Phlox. The doctor wouldn't be a help to him on this particular matter. He needed to talk to Trip alone, needed to sort things out and he would do that...

At least the young Talian woman wasn't present at the moment. He had the slight impression that this would make things much easier on him. He wouldn't have to talk against both of them then. He had wished to talk to Trip all alone and in private – he still hoped he could achieve some improvement simply by talking to him, remind him of the past...

He crossed the room, heading to the biobed his former friend... his friend was sitting on, occupying himself with a pad – probably something interesting Phlox had given to him. Jonathan wasn't sure he had actually detected his presence and he didn't want to disturb him. Therefore he almost winced as he was addressed by Trip.

"I finally got a name – a name I do not recall though, but a name. Charles Tucker – sounds strange to me..."

He wasn't looking up as he spoke, his eyes still fixed on the pad. Jonathan was pretty sure what Trip had been reading, what Phlox had given to him. It was his personal file. But the lack of any recognition, although he had been given all this information bothered him. He was supposed to remember at least soemthing! His attention was turned back to Trip as he finally looked at him.

"And I am supposed to know you, am I?"

"Actually yes – we knew... know each other pretty well."

"Well, I don't."

"I know, the doctor told me about it. But he's positive that your memories will come back – it just needs a lot of time and patience and a lot of relaxation..."

"I've never been the patient type – you can ask Thydia about that. I'm driving her nuts with my ways from time to time..."

Jon had almost smiled by the sudden enthusiasm Trip was developing as he was talking about the young alien woman. He just sounded like he had always done, like in the times he had still been here, aboard this ship – well – except for the language barrier. But as he suddenly stopped dead in tracks Jonathan was thrown back to reality all of a sudden. He looked at him in confusion.

"Why the hell am I telling you this stuff? You're not supposed to know this, you have no right to. I don't even know you..."

"Maybe it's some kind of subconscience reaction. Somewhere deep down inside you do know that I'm your friend."

"You were."

He corrected in a cool, reserved tone looking at him with no visible emotion on his face. This was heading the wrong way, it definitely was. Jonathan started to feel uncomfortable around his friend... Well, actually he had already done as he had entered this room, but the feeling got even worse now.

"Look – I don't mean to drive you into remembering anything. I just wish to help you."

"You did help me, so now you can sent us both back. We're absolutely fine. And the rest of what you were just saying... It's just nonesense – of course you wanted to drive me, of course you want me to remember, want me to be your friend again – like nothing ever happened. Well it did – none of us can change that any more."

This was getting harder with each word – taking a direction Jonathan would've liked to avoid. This just wasn't right – they weren't supposed to treat each other like that – like some strangers. He himself was having that many memories that were involving Trip and he just totally lacked of them... it was frustrating. Still he tried to keep his composure.

"No, we can't, but I would like to make the best out of the situation that we are in right now. And although you may not believe me, I really just want to help you. I was of the opinion getting your memory back was a part of that..."

"What makes you so sure I actually want this goddamn memory back? What makes you so sure I want that life back that was taken from me?"

"Well,... I thought..."

"Exactly! **You** thought! Nobody asked for your opinion – I couldn't hear myself asking for it! Let me tell you this one thing – I don't need your help and I don't want it. I'm thankful for what you did for us, but I want you to stay out of our business."

Where had his friend gone to and who was the person sitting on the biobed? It was stupid, but it was the one thought, which crossed Jonathan's mind right now. The person he was looking at and talking to had no similarities with the friend he had lost and announced dead two years ago. He knew it was Trip he was talking to, but he had turned into a completely different person...

"I cannot "stay out of your business", because it isn't all yours! You may not want it to be this way, but you're a member of this crew, your a member of Starfleet and you are a son to your parents on Earth. You already have a life!"

"Yeah, you're right – I do have a life. I'm living with a beautiful woman, who would never let come any harm to me and neither would I allow to let any harm happen to her. I don't know you, I don't know these people you talked about and I don't want to get to know them. Is it that hard to understand?"

"It is! You have a life on Earth!"

Deadly silence fell between them and Jonathan was almost afraid as he detected the same glare in Trip's eyes he had seen in Thydia's earlier that day – the same threatening look. He lowered his voice down to a whisper in complete difference to the screaming they had just performed and moved his head closer to Jonathan.

"No – I don't. I had a life, but it was taken from me. You yourself announced me to be dead..."


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

He had left sickbay without any other word of response – he hadn't been able to. He barely had his feelings under control, for he had never expected Trip to be that openly unfriendly, to accuse him for the fate he had ended up in. He had felt the urgent need to leave sickbay immediately and put as much distance between Trip and him as possible.

He needed time to adjust and think about what had just happened – how he was supposed to cope with it. He had no idea if he even could – was mentally capable of doing so. But what kind of a choice did he have?

He hadn't found the inner strength to return to bridge and neither had he felt any wish to return to his quarters. He had decided to head down to the Mess Hall – it was mid duty time and nobody would be there right now. It was the best place to settle down for sometime, think the situation over and have a good, hot cup of black coffee... However he had been wrong – he wasn't the only person having the idea to use the current silence of Mess Hall for thinking.

The young woman – still in her worn out, dirty, light brown desert clothing was all alone at Mess Hall. She just sat there motionless, a glass of water standing on the table in front of her. She was staring at the clear liquid in amazement and seemed to be lost in thought. But he was mistaking about that particular point – she had detected his presence.

"I've never in my life had an access to any water as easily as this."

He didn't know what to say and he was pretty sure, she actually didn't expect a response. She was more talking to herself than to anyone else – he knew that. He felt uneasy around her, he couldn't help it. It seemed to happen almost immediately whenever he saw her. She felt like an enemy to him and he couldn't explain that feeling, he just knew it was wrong to feel that way, but he wasn't really able to change that.

"I couldn't even imagine an amount of water more than this glass is filled with. I never saw anything like this, I never even dreamed of it. Living on a planet like this doesn't give much opportunities for imagination. But I learned that it actually exists – giant masses of water... oceans full of it. A whole world in green and blue – plants spreading out of futile earth... It's a dream."

"He told you about it, he remembered?"

"Yeah – as I already told you – the only thing his memory lacks of are the personal, individual things. But he remembered his homeworld and I believe that he desperately wished to get back there. It's not like it was a big surprise – anything is better than living in this giant desert down there. But what he told me sounded really, really nice. He even made me think about better days and I actually lost hope for that a long time ago."

"I understand that..."

"No, I don't think you do. None of you can understand that, you never experienced what it is like to be forced to live in this hell. You have no idea what sacrifices we have to make, which battles we have to fight, what we lose down there..."

He had no answer, no response to her revelation, but although she didn't believe he did, he began to understand what it must've felt like to be forced to live on a planet, in a hell like the one the young Talian woman – Thydia – and Trip had been forced to live in. He couldn't even imagine what it must've been like to not only be stranded there, but be there without any memory of how one got there or who he had been before...

He could feel the woman's eyes on him – she was obviously studying his face's expression as he was thinking about her words. There was no sign of any emotion on her own face. He wished to see that actually, wished to see some positive emotions from her, wished to gain her full trust. But how was he supposed to do that, if he didn't know anything about her?

"Where did you come from?"

"Come from?"

"Before you lived on this planet. I assume you were sent here by that wormwhole, too?"

"No, I didn't... I was born here... My parents were sent here for punishment. They were accused being traitors on their homeworld and therefore they punished them. But that wasn't the truth – they were good people – caring and loving. They didn't deserve to live here..."

"Neither did you, I'd say..."

"Well – nobody asked me for my opinion or for any permission on that matter. It's not like it's an easy life, but I stopped complaining a while ago. My parents were smart people – skilled in technology and agriculture. They were able to establish a pretty comfortable life considering the circumstances..."

"Do you know anything about your family's homeworld?"

"No – they never told me. They didn't want to talk about it – they said that it was the past and that there was no reason to care about it any longer. This was their future."

She pointed down to the planet that was visible from the wide windows in the mess hall without even looking at it. Not a too bright future – Jonathan thought. But he could understand why her parents never told her about their homeworld. It probably was a pretty painful memory, comparing it to the present surrounding.

"What about your parents...?"

"They're both dead. My father was murdered a while ago – I was still pretty young then. He had been on his way back to our home as he was attacked by an outworlder. A convicted murderer, I believe. He killed him. My mother – however – fell sick a few storms ago probably five or six – maybe even more. She hurt herself while working in the fields and the wound got infected. I wasn't able to save her..."

He couldn't help staring at her. It was such a sad, tragic, brutal story and she just told him this like it was perfectly normal, like it was an every day routine. She had lost her whole family, being left all alone on this deserted planet. He couldn't even imagine what this would feel like.

"I'm sorry..."

"There's no need to be sorry. It just happens, it's the past, it's gone. I can't change it any more. My life went on."

His next reaction was an almost automatic one and he couldn't help it – above all he couldn't help the sound of his words as he anounced them – they were hard and sounded almost accusing. He knew : the moment he had said them out loud he once again had pushed her away, losing that one bit of trust he had just been able to build up.

"Yes it did – with Trip..."

"Actually his name is Kyran – that's the Talian word for bad luck´. We both agreed that it was a very appropriate name, don't you think?

However, you're right. My life went on, with him. As did his – as my former one was taken from me by the death of my parents, so did his... with his own death. You should know..., you gave up on him!"

"I didn't give up on him! I had no other choice!"

She slowly got up giving him a short hard smile. She took her glass of water and drank it in one big gulp. She slowly and gently put it back down without ever taking her eyes off him. Then she took a step backwards from the table.

"When you say so..."

She turned away, leaving the room without giving him another chance to respond. She simply just left him, now giving him the chance to think about not only Trip's earlier words, but the Talian's too. Both of them seemed to have spoken about his fate several times and they had decided that someone had to be responsible for it.

They had found this particular person - right here and now...


	13. Chapter 12

A.N.: Sorry for the extra long delay, but I had been very busy with my final exams coming up at college and afterwards I have been on vacation in Prague. But now I'm back again and ready to give you an update :-). Please R+R.

Chapter 12:

Flashback

"Get away from her!"

He heard himself like from a great distance, like he was watching this whole horrible scene. But he was there, he was actually there. This was real and he needed to do something about it. For the goddamn bastard Thydia was struggling with, still wouldn't let her go. He had hoped to scare him off by shouting at him and aiming the primitive weapon at him, but that guy wasn't impressed. He just grinned at him maliciously and restarted to strangle the woman he was living with, he was supposed to protect and who was desperately fighting for her life. He tried again.

"I told you to let her go!"

It wouldn't work – the other man was still going on, not even looking at him this time. He would lose her to this guy, he would kill her... Somehow – he didn't know how – she managed to free herself from the murderer's deadly grip to her throat just for a few seconds – screaming at him in desperation.

"Help me! For the sake of it – shoot him!"

He heard her, but he wasn't able to react to it, he just couldn't do what she wanted him to do. He had no idea why, but some feeling deep down inside told him that he wasn't able to do it. He didn't know why, but he assumed he had never been in a situation like this ever before – with somebody elses life lying in his hands.

"Shoot him damn it! Kill him! He will slay me, if you don't. He will slaughter me right here in front of your eyes..."

Thydia ripped him out of his thoughts once again crying out at the top of her lungs in a high pitched tone as she managed to get the attacker's hands of her throat for a second time. He could hear her fear, fear for her life, but still it didn't change anything about his feelings. He didn't want her to die, he wanted to save her, but he couldn't kill that man!

"Do something, do it! Shoot him! Help me! Save me! He will kill me! And you will be next!"

That was it – she had finally found the words, the right words to reach him. He was ripped out of his apathy by her screamed words. He realised it all of a sudden from one second to another and he had needed her help to do that. It wasn't only her life, that was in danger, but his too... The murderer would kill him, he wouldn't hesitate. As soon as Thydia would have breathed out her life, he would go for him and he would kill him!

He aimed once again with trembling hands, barely able to get a proper shot at the attacker. He had to do it – right now and he just hoped he wouldn't hurt Thydia. He took a last look at the scene in front of him, taking in a deep shallow gasp, squezzed his eyes shut and shot at the man strangling her.

There was a deadly silence following the shot and he didn't dare to open his eyes. He didn't want to see what he had just done. All of a sudden he was touched by someone. He winced and squeezed his eyes shut even more. This would be the end then – he would be killed, he had misaimed, had shot Thydia and now the stranger, the murderer would finish his job. The voice he heard right then made him open his eyes.

"What the hell have you been waiting for?"

Thydia – it was Thydia talking to him, accusing him for waiting too long actually... But she was still alive, he hadn't hurt her, he had managed to safe her. Opening his eyes however hadn't been a good idea – for he was forced to take in the scene in front of him.

The attacker – the convicted murderer lay on the sand on his stomach, with his face turned to one sight, so his wide open, angry, dead eyes seemed to still be looking at him. Deep red blood was flowing from a wide wound in his back, floating down and pooling beneath him in the sand. It looked awful and it felt exactly the same way. He had done that...

He couldn't take his eyes from the scene, not even realizing that Thydia had touched him once again, more gently this time. He had the impression he would never be able to ever get that horrible scene out of his head ever again. Thydias' words however managed to bring him back to her, but he needed some seconds to find the right words to respond to her.

"You never had to do this before... You never killed anyone?"

"I,..., I don't know, I don't remember. I just know that I couldn't do it..."

She could literally hear his emotions in his voice – the disbelief, the shock, the fear about what he had just done... She needed to be extremely sensitive with him right now – he didn't just lack of his memory; but also of the mentality that had enabled her to survive on this planet. He couldn't just kill someone, even if it was a necessity. She needed for him to understand that – at least under the given circumstances – it was okay to do so.

"But you did and I'm very grateful you did. You saved my life and I thank you for that."

He took another few moments to respond to her and she wasn't even sure he had heard her after all, had heard her thanks. It was probably due to his absolute disbelief about what had just happened and given his background and the difference in their morality, she could fully understand this.

"Why...? Why did he do this?"

"I don't know – maybe he believed we had supplies or something else he could've stolen from us... Maybe he did it just for the fun of it."

"The..., the fun of it?"

"Listen – I know it's not easy, but as I already told you – all of the planet's inhabitants are foreigners and apart form that very dangerous, convicted criminals. They don't need a reason..."

"I,... I understand..."

He didn't and she knew it – how should he possibly understand? From what she had experienced he had no idea what it meant to live a life like she did, what it meant to defend the own life and what it felt like to know that killing was a necessitiy of living. Unfortunatelly - and she really hated that fact - he would understand this one day, he would adjust to the circumstances around him, he would change. His own morality would... And today had been the first day of that change.

End of flashback


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

He once again found himself in exactly the same situation he had been in 2 years ago. In exactly the same position, in even exactly the same room and asking himself the same nagging, miserable questions again. What was he supposed to do now? Which way of dealing with it was the right one? What was the right and moral thing to do?

The last time he had been forced to decide, he had made a horrible mistake. Not listening to his instincts and feelings he had given up on a friend. Taking his position as Captain of this ship into consideration it had probably been the only reasonable decision, but as a friend...

That was what made him feel the urgent need to decide as a friend this time. To listen to his instincts. They told him to not give up on Trip for a second time, for no reason ever again. To take Trip back where he belonged to – back home, to his family and friends. He wanted him to have his old life back – a better life. He wanted him to get away from this miserable deserted place and stay aboard... He wanted him to remember.

But it wasn't as simple as that, for Trip wasn't alone. He had to take the girl's fate into consideration, too. They couldn't leave her behind – it was in no way moraly to do so – she wasn't a criminal. She was innocent, forced to live there and right now she had a chance to escape. He wouldn't take that away from her.

Apart from that and from what he had heard and seen, he was absolutely sure his former... his friend wouldn't leave without the young Talian woman. The one thing he wasn't sure about was if he actually wanted to leave – both of them had told him they didn't want his help, they didn't trust him. The girl in particular was very suspicious about each of his suggestions.

She didn't believe in his words, she didn't have any faith in his actions and she was suggesting him on trying to trick her with every last action he did. He knew they hadn't had a good start and they disagreed almost all of the time, but her constant distrust was in no way justifiable. He couldn't keep it from him – he simply didn't like her.

But that wasn't a reason to decide about this whole matter. He needed to stay objective on this one. And from an objective point of view - there were still other people, he had a certain responsibility to. He needed to inform Starfleet authorities... and he had to talk to Trip's family. They had a right to know about it and his deepest sense of justice told him that especially his parents had a right to actually see their son once again.

This wasn't a decision to be made lightly, as lightly as it had been made by the two of them, just because they didn't know, didn't have any personal relationship to the people that had an interest in them returning to Earth. It was his task to find the right balance about this – to consider carefully whose interests were more important on this matter.

As soon as he would inform the authorities – once again – there would be no way out of it, no way back anymore. He would have to go all the way then, stick to procedure... which would mean to bring Trip back to Earth, without any more thinking about the right decision. Once more it was the question as what kind of a person he wanted to decide – as a friend or as a superior officer...

He couldn't have both of it – sticking to procedure and being a friend. It would have been way too easy and so far none of this whole recovery and rescue process had been. Maybe it was his very own punishment he was receiving right now – being punished for leaving a friend behind...

Punishment or not... he had to admit to himself that actually his decision had been made before he even started considering it. He just kept it from him, trying to take time – how pathetic to try to fool oneself... He wouldn't let any more harm come to Trip – he had allowed it once, he wouldn't allow it again.

He turned to his desk, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for the moment. A strange thought crossed his mind – What would Thydia be saying about that, what words to accuse him would she find this time? He activated the small viewscreen, sending a transmission to Earth. Moments later Admiral Forrest's face appeared on the screen.

"Jonathan?"

He remembered that friendly but slightly surprised reaction all too well – like it had been just yesterday... Well, it was two years ago actually and he was about to say exactly the same thing one more time. Just that it was for a happy reason this time, at least that's what he was hoping...

"Admiral – there is something I need to inform you about..."


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

Flashback

He had no idea what had happened to him, neither how it had happened. Actually he hadn't much of any thought anyway right now. The one thing he did know, was that he felt awful – sick, dizzy and without capability of detecting anything that was going on around him.

Feeling on the other hand was a thing that worked, it worked pretty good actually – much too good for his liking... There was nothing positive about his feelings – he was confused and afraid, he was in pain and shivering to the bone. What scared him the most, was the fact that he had no control about his physical reactions. He was barely able to breathe – taking shallow gasps of air – he wasn't able to see, only seeing indefinable shapes of grey and he had no strength to get up on his feet – even thinking about it was too much of an effort...

It had been close this time – it hadn't been that close since... She couldn't even remember the last time she had actually see the sky open up above her. Must've been some 20 years ago when she had still been a child.

Normally the place her house was standing at, was safe. The skyparting occured hundreds of miles away from here and nobody ever came close to this place. There had been a good reason for chosing this spot – it kept her out of trouble. But something had happened – probably some change within the waves' properties or some mistake on the other side of it. She was just hoping it would stay temporarily limited. She had no interest in being the landing place for all the scum that ended here. She had no wish for any danger... or moving to another place.

This time she would've to take care of it, would've to take the trouble. It was too dangerous to give whoever had landed down in the valley time to adjust. The first 20 to 30 minutes after the landing left everybody helpless, unable to control oneself. It was her best chance to solve the problem and get rid of the intruder.

He was sure he had broken something – probably cracked a few rips due to the hard landing. It was extremely painful to breathe, but maybe the lack of oxygen was due to the atmosphere of the planet he was at. At least his sight was slowly getting back – he was able to make out colors by now. But there wasn't much of any interest to see. The dominant colour was yellow with some shades of brown and black in it... and it was hot, unimaginably hot. He could feel the sweat pour down his back and the burning sun was making his dizziness even worse.

Getting up still wasn't an option – his body was heavily protesting against the effort. He still lacked of the ability to use his extremities and the dizziness caused a swirling sensation as soon as he was simply moving into any direction. He knew he couldn't stay here, he needed to get out of the sun as soon as possible.

She had taken a primitive rifle and a sharp bladed knife with her. She hoped she wouldn't have to use the knife – she just wished to get over with her unlovable task. She didn't like to do it, but she had to – it was for her own safety. Rather the newcomer, than her...

She was approaching the valley carefully and tried to be as calm as possible. She didn't want her opponent to hear her – she would give her tactical advantage away if she did. She kneeled down into the warm sand, peering over the edge of the sand dune down into the valley, scanning it for the stranger.

She hesitated – she just knelt there aiming at the stranger and waited. The funny thing about it, was the fact, that she had no idea why she did so. At least not immediately... Her subconscious seemed to have activated all of its' alarm bells and had ordered her not to shoot – she obeyed.

The stranger still hadn't detected her presence – he obviously was still trying to deal with the after effects of his approach, but he at least had managed to stay alive. She had seen this before – this wasn't the fact that had caught her attention. It was his appearance that had done so.

He wasn't a prisoner, he was not even belonging to any species, that was living on one of the planets of the Talian federation. He was someone else, some other species and he obviously belonged to a certain group of people – at least that's what she believed he was wearing that kind of uniform for. An inner voice told her that he meant no harm to her, that he was actually belonging to the same category her parents had belonged in – innocents... She did the most dangerous and stupid thing she could think of – she revealed her position.

"Who are you!"

She yelled at him in the Talian tongue and he turned around quickly, trying to spot her. But he was staring at her blankly, obviously not being able to see her. His sensoric abilities seemed to not have adjusted by now. She could see him turn his head from one side to the other slowly, then he yelled something back.

His voice sounded raspy and she could hear that he had difficulties breathing by the way he spat out the words, but she had no idea what he was talking about – it definitely wasn't Talian. She searched for the primitive translator she called her own. Thanks to her father's technical understanding and building ability she could use it as a help right now. Maybe it was able to understand the strangers' words.

She switched it on and held it up, repeating her words slowly and articulated once again, hoping for him to say something another time. He seemed to hesitate, thinking about what to do next. This time his eyes seemed to focus on her for a few seconds. His words were louder this time and more articulated, too. Fortunatelly the translator picked up on it.

"I cannot understand you, I do not speak your language..."

"Do you understand me now?"

"Yeah."

"Who are you?"

He didn't respond to her. Didn't the translator work? Hadn't he understood her question? What the hell was wrong with this guy? She started to lose her temper on him.

"Who are you!"

"I,... I don't know – I can't remember..."

What was that supposed to mean? She had no idea what the stranger was talking about, what he was trying to tell her. Maybe the translator was actually broken. Once again she made a very stupid decision – at least under normal circumstances – she decided to leave her position and get down to the stranger.

She kept the rifle aimed at him and slowly went down the sand dune, carefully approaching his position. He didn't move and she assumed he wasn't able to see her, probably still an aftereffect of the landing. It didn't make her give up her own guard though – he could still be a danger.

She was standing directly in front of him now, throwing a shadow on his face. It made him wince and he tried to move away from her. She could understand his reaction, but she didn't have time for this right now. She needed to decide if he was trustworthy and she needed to do so quickly, before anyone else would show up at this spot.

"I won't hurt you. I just want to know who you are, what's your name?"

"I already told you, I don't remember, I don't remember anything – not my name, not where I came from or how I got here. I don't know anything."

That was an interesting new information – rather it was true or not, which she still had to decide on, but still it was interesting. However he didn't seem a danger to her and she felt a certain responsibility to not leave him here, leave him to die. He probably hadn't done anything wrong and even if he had he couldn't remember... But something deep down inside of her told her that she could trust him, that he was as innocent as she had once been.

"Alright then – I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna take you away from here. Come on – get up."

"Thank you."

Thank you – she hadn't heard these two words for a long time now. Nobody was ever thanking anyone for anything on this planet. There was nothing done by anyone that was worth a thank you or any person around that had the morality and manners to use the words.

But he had, which once again confirmed her believe about his very own innocence...


	16. Chapter 15

Jonathan had been on his way to sickbay to inform Trip about his decision. He didn't expect him to undestand and he didn't expect him to not insist and fight against his decision, but he needed to tell him.

He had no right to just turn back to Earth and treat him like a prisoner aboard this ship.

He had also wished to talk to him first and – at best – to not talk to Thydia after all. She would be even more hard to have a conversation with – unable to convince and openly offending and accusing him. He had no wish to even see her, but somehow – for some reason unknown to him – he couldn't avoid her.

She had held him back on his way to sickbay, with an unreadable expression on her face, but the same glare in her eyes she had when they had first met her. She wouldn't let him pass, wouldn't let him get away from her as long as he hadn't talked to her.

"I want to know when you will be sending us back. I don't want to stay here any longer and neither does Kyran. We have talked about it and we agree in it – we want to leave, today!"

He had no chance to back out of the situation any more, he couldn't just leave her standing there and he knew she wouldn't let him go, wouldn't listen if he told her that he was going to deal with her later. Therefore he had taken her to his private quarters and had asked her to sit down, which – of course – she hadn't done.

"We're here, we can talk in private and I don't want to sit down. Will you please tell me when we're about to leave?"

"You are not..."

Deadly silence occured. If they had been emotionless before, her eyes were like glowing fire now – full of rage and hatred. He hadn't expected her to react any different, hadn't expected her to understand. Now he was about to fight with her – badly...

"What did you just say? I think I lost it somewhere after you´... I believe I heard you say that we won't leave. That **you **won't let us leave..."

"That's exactly what I've been saying."

"You have no right for this! You have no goddamn right to decide about our lives – you have no right after all!"

"You're aboard my ship and Trip's safety is part of my responsibility... You're under the authority of Starfleet command being on this ship and you will not go anywhere."

"**Kyran's** safety is none of your business and neither is his life or mine. You have no responsibility for anybody and you definitely have not even the slightest authority. For the sake of all good and holy things – you have no right to do this! I won't listen to you and I won't obey to your goddamn authority!"

"Well – then leave. I won't stop you."

He had managed to surprise her, to leave her speechless. She obviously hadn't expected him to be that brutaly honest with her. But she didn't need long to find her voice once again.

"There is no way I will be leaving him – especially not leaving him with **you!"**

"Then you will have to stay, don't you?"

"You do know that you cannot force him to stay. You can't keep him here against his will... and I know that he wants to leave."

"With you."

"Yes exactely – with me."

"Well, he can't!"

"You can't make him stay! You have no right to do this – it's his very own decision!"

"You don't seem to understand – he can't go back to the planet's surface. It's atmosphere is poisoning him – he can't survive down there!"

"We're going to find a way."

"Even if we do – he belongs aboard this ship. He's a part of this crew..."

She fell silent as she looked at him intensively and a sad smile appeared on her face. A knowing smile, like she had just realized something of great importance he had told her right then – without even realizing. Her voice had a soft tone of understanding as she spoke up once again.

"No Captain – it's you who obviously doesn't understand... He no longer belongs to this place, he no longer is a member of your crew, your family. He doesn't feel comfortable here, he doesn't remember you – doesn't know you anymore, he cannot even speak your language properly... He shouldn't be here and you shouldn't force him, just because of a time long ago when he had been a friend of yours. It's the past, Captain – a past that is gone. Give him a future..."

He was stunned by her words, he couldn't believe she really had just said that, had told them to give up his friend – a friend he had just found again – for a second time. Had she any idea what she was suggesting there? Did she know what it felt like to be asked to do that? Probably not! Otherwise she wouldn't have been that insensitive.

"He was never meant to be gone! This wasn't supposed to happen! Whatever you say the facts still stay the same – he's a part of that crew and he **will** remember. We just need to give it some time..."

She had a close look at him and to his surprise he didn't see any sign of anger on her face. But there was another emotion and he didn't know what to make of it, didn't know if he was even right with what he thought he was seeing in her eyes. It was empathy that lay within her features.

"You lost him once, you don't want to lose him again... This isn't about the ship and neither is it about it's crew – it's just about you and him. You think you failed him by not finding, not bringing him back and you wish to make up for that."


	17. Chapter 16

Flashback

He was fading – she could see it. He tried to hide it from her – pretty unsuccesfully though, but she knew he simply didn't want to disturb her. But he was – if he just would've told her what was wrong with him, she could at least try to help him. The one thing she suggested, which made him not tell her, was the fact that he possibly knew she couldn't help him, nobody could – not on this planet...

He was gasping all of a sudden, which caused her to turn around in concern and look at him. She could see surprise on his face and fear – deep, pure fear. But not for more than a second, not longer than until he realised that she was looking at him and had detected his discomfort. There was no use in his hiding from her and she was no longer willing to tolerate it.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing – I'm fine, just moved a bit to quickly... It's hot out here."

He was right on that one. They were outside in the middle of the desert in the afternoon of an early summer day. They had run out of water and therefore had made their way to one of the secret underground water reservoirs. It was hard work to get the water pumped up to the surface, especially with the limited technical help they had at hand.

But they had done this hundred of times before and although he liked to complain about it a lot – about the sand and the heat, the long walks and the hard work - he had always done it to simply tease her. He always managed to drive her nuts with his ways... and make her smile. He never had been completely serious about his complaints – therefore she knew that something was terribly wrong – he hadn't been complaining for even a moment today.

She suspected that he had been hardly concentrating on their journey to the water source – trying to hide his pain and his powerlessness. He had done pretty well – she hadn't realised until now, until he openly gasped out in pain.

"I don't believe a word you say! So stop lying to me and tell me what's wrong."

"Noth..."

The look she shot him right then made him stop in the middle of the word. He didn't dare to speak out the rest of it, but looked at her with empathy clearly visible on his face. He didn't need to say it, she already knew what he wanted her to know.

"I do know you don't want to disturb me and therefore you keep whatever is wrong with you a secret, but you're causing me even more worry by not telling me. You should know that – I already lost a family member because of not talking about what was wrong."

She hadn't meant to do it, but it had just been that easy. She had managed to make him feel guilty by reminding him of the circumstances that caused her mother's death. At least she had found a way to finally get him to saying the truth and tell her what was wrong with him.

"I'm sorry – I didn't mean to hurt you or lie to you... Being honest... I don't know what's wrong. I just don't feel well – dizzy kind of and I'm having difficulties breathing... It hurts."

She moved closer to him, giving him an intensive gaze – like she would be able to detect his problem, his illness by simply looking at him. If it wouldn't have been such a serious situation he would have grinned by the thought. But it **was** a serious situation and he didn't feel like grinning after all. He actually felt more like lying down and sleeping and never waking up again.

She reached out a hand and touched his forehead for a few seconds, before she pulled it away in a quick movement and gave him a very concerned look. He tried to look back reassuringly, but he had the slight suspicion that it didn't work all too well...

"You're burning up!"

"I already told you – it's hot out here."

"Don't fool around on me. You're having a fever! We're going to get you back to the house immediately, you need to get out of the sun and lay down. You need to rest!"

"But the water supplies..."

He tried to insist against her for he didn't want to ruin their long and exhausting work they had already put in this to get their water supplies back to an acceptable level. They couldn't go back right now, they had only half of their waterbags filled and that would only fulfill their needs for the next few days. He didn't want her to be forced to come back here on her own, it was too dangerous, especially if he would keep on feeling that sick...

"Don't worry about it, I'm gonna get some more water later. It's no big deal. Right now we should be concentrating on getting you back and locating the source of your illness."

"I'm not ill, I just don't feel all too well."

"Well, you look pretty much sick to me. Come on now!"

She lifted the already filled water bags and put them on her shoulders. Then she reached the empty ones to him and reached out an arm for support. He gave her a stop acting like a mother hen´ look, denied her help and went back up the sanddune they had come from to get the water.

Their way back would take about 1 and a half hours of climbing up and down several dunes before they would be back at the rocky surface their house was build at. They walked their way in silence, both concentrating on where they sat their feet at. Taking a wrong step could cause one to lose the balance and fall down the dune – although it didn't hurt much it at least meant delay and Thydia didn't seem to wish for any delay after all, she just wanted to get him into a bed.

They were about 300 feet away from their home when his strength finally left him. He had tried to fight against it and keep up on Thydia's pace, but it wouldn't work no more. Still he hadn't said a word, he didn't want to cause her any more worries. But breaking down to his knees with a blurred vision and gasping for air which he barely was able to breath in wasn't actually the best way to concern her no more.

She was there by his side almost immediately, helping him up back to his feet and giving him an angry look this time. Her voice however couldn't hide her true feeling of concern.

"Are you alright?"

"Obviously not, but you already knew that."

"Stop, okay. That's nothing to make fun of, you hear me! Not after all!"

Realisation dawned in him all of a sudden – she was afraid. Deeply fearing for his life and being afraid that she wouldn't be able to help him, that she would lose him to some unknown disease as she had already lost her mother.

"I do know that. I just don't want you to worry too much. It's going to be okay..."

He was lying and they both knew it, but she didn't wish to fight with him any more. She put down the water bags and put his arm around her shoulder. He didn't seem to be fully aware of what was going on as she helped him inside the house and into the bedroom to lay down.

"Thydia..."

"What is it?"

"I don't feel so good..."

She could feel tears rise in her eyes, but she managed to keep them behind. She didn't want him to see her in a weak state, didn't want him to see her fear. She helped him to lay down and he drifted off into sleep almost immediately. She held his hand for a few seconds before she moved back to the front door to fetch the water bags.

"I know dear, I know..."

End of flashback


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

He should have known it, he definitely should have known it. Thydia had lived a life with too many sacrifices and dangers as that she would have simply obeyed to his decision. He should have expected her to try to do something against his decision, but he hadn't believed she would react so soon and so aggressive.

Luckily his armory officer had been more suspicious about her and the doctor had been very attentive, which still gave him a very good chance to react to her. But he wouldn't be able to convince her... or Trip, he knew this. He had to try none the less.

The doctor had given a call to the bridge informing him that Trip was no longer in sickbay and he didn't know where he had gone to. Reed had immediately chacked for Thydia's biosign, finding both of them on their way to a shuttlebay. They would try to escape and get back to the planet.

Jonathan had no idea why she did this, why she tried to steal a shuttle. She should know that they would detect that they were missing and even if they hadn't done so immediately, they would've gotten back down, taking their crewman with them. She had no chance to escape them, but she tried none the less. It probably was her strong will and her stubborness that made her try, but he wouldn't let her go. He had left bridge and had gotten down to the shuttlebay.

She had expected him, had expected them to detect their flight. As soon as he was entering the wide room he had a phaser pointed to his head. It was Thydia with a slight grin on her face. Trip was close to the shuttle, overriding the shuttle's door to get inside and get down to the planet's surface.

"What are you planning to do know, Captain? Are you trying to talk us out of leaving your wonderful company on your beautiful ship or are do you already have a team outside that will shoot us down? What is it gonna be?"

"You know that you have no way of escaping – you cannot interfer against my decision. What are you going to do yourself? Getting back down to the planet – and next? Don't you expect us to follow you, to get after you and take you back? What the hell were you thinking when you planned on stealing a shuttle? Where do you wanna go?"

"I expected you to follow us and try to take us back – but that would have been it... a try. You can't catch us down there – I know about a milion hiding places down there and a milion ways of getting someone killed. You wouldn't have kept up your search for a long time..."

"You didn't do it the last time."

Jonathan had expected that he would have to face this accuse once again. He had expected Thydia to come up with it again and again, but it had been Trip's remark instead. Which hurt him even more – because he wasn't a stranger, he was supposed to understand his decision, his decision as a captain. But he wasn't having the same understandment any more, for he wasn't the same person...

He had finally been able to anounce the words – this one sentence he had heard so many times by Thydia, but had never managed to believe them, to take them as the truth. Thydia seemed to have seen his realisation, the change in his face's expression – both of them had.

"So – what's it gonna be? Will you let us leave, will you give us a chance to live our own life's?"

"I would like to..."

"But you won't do it, because...?"

"You know why."

He had told Thydia why he couldn't take this back any more, why he couldn't change his mind. Their return back to Earth was official now and he couldn't show up there without the two of them. He could understand why this didn't mean anything for Thydia or even Trip for that matter. They only felt responsibility for themselves.

This situation couldn't be solved – they wouldn't listen to him and he couldn't let them go. It was as simple as this, they wouldn't get out of this situation. He – they needed to find another way, some other possibility to get over this whole incident unharmed, without any more fighting or hard words.

"What about returning?"

Thydia was allowing herself a small smile as he anounced the words. She had been fighting with him about this and she had clearly made her point, but he hadn't listened to her – he hadn't wanted to. She didn't like him – that was no secret and neither did he like her, which wasn't a secret, too. But obviously they had found a common basis. Still she couldn't keep herself from giving a sarcastic comment.

"Finally! Some progress..."

"You will actually send us back down to the planet? Without any more delays and disturbances?"

She could hear the disbelief in Kyran's voice and she wasn't surprised. The captain had actually tried to talk him out of this even more than he had done talking with her. He probably had tried, hoping to reach the former friend he believed to still be in there somewhere.

"I actually didn't mean this planet."

She looked at him in shock and disbelief not trusting her ears had really just heard what he had said. What the hell was he trying this time? Why wouldn't he give up? She was done and over with his constant fussing and fighting over their lifes – he had no right to do that!

"What – for heaven's sake – were you meaning instead?"

"I meant Earth – I ask you to return back to earth."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you still trying to force him to go back to a life he has left behind, why do you force him back into the past, force him to remember?"

"This isn't about forcing anyone to anything. It's not about my personal wishes and intentions. I just want you to get to a place that is safer and more comfortable than this. And – no offence – but every place in the universe is safer and more comfortable than this hell down there. You told me your life wasn't easy and you told me you were dreaming of a place where there were oceans full of water. You can have this, you can make your dream come true."

"You actually offer this to both of us? You suggest it? You won't force us to go?"

"I'm in no position to force you to do anything. You're both grown up, you can decide on your own. I'm just offering you a chance to get away from here – take it or leave it. It's your decision."

"This isn't some sort of trick? You're not trying to pull us apart or play anything else?"

She still didn't trust him – he had been honest and had offered this to her and she still didn't trust him... But actually she didn't have much of a reason to trust him so far. He had taken her to this ship, had taken the newfound personality of her comrade away and had left her with the fact that he couldn't stay and she couldn't leave with him again. Definitely now reason to trust him...

"I swear to you I'm not trying to trick you. I offer this chance to both of you and I hope you will take it."

Something happened then that he had never seen before. In the whole time since she was aboard this ship he had never seen her do this – not the way she did it right now. She smiled – a warm, friendly smile.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

The one thing both of them were mainly lacking off was trust. They didn't have faith in anyone of the crew – no matter how hard they tried. They had taken them aboard, had offered them their help and had given them a chance to leave this deserted place they had been forced to live at – but still it hadn't changed anything...

They weren't spending time with the rest of the crew, they weren't reacting to their offers and questions – they weren't even talking to them. There seemed to be no chance to reach them and obviously they had no wish to change that. It was simply frustrating – they had Trip back, but still he wasn't there – not really. It definitely wasn't an easy situation to cope with.

What actually bothered Jonathan the most, was the fact that the two of them wouldn't stop speaking the girl's language... They were aboard an Earth vessel on their way back to Earth and it was just extremely ignorant to not speak the planet's language.

At least he had given them something productive to do as long as they were on their way back. But even this proposal had caused a heated argument with the young woman. She had accused him of still trying to take advantage on Trip, trying to force him to remember and stay aboard. She had no right to offend him that way, but he – at least – had to admit that asking him to take a position in Engineering made the girl's suspicion reasonable – it had been a kind of unfortunate decision.

The girl herself had offered to assist Lt. Reed in training the crew in self-defense. But as it had to be expected, her proposal had nothing to do with trying to fit in and do something useful. She had just wished to state her position. It had caused quiet an emberassing scene for the Lieutenant as she cockily told him to attack her.

Malcolm actually wasn't to blame – the girl had no educative military background and apart from that she had a slim almost bony outer appearance. She looked fragile and weak taking a first look at her and the Lieutenant had obviously been concerned he would hurt her...

Well – he actually never got a chance to even launch at her. She was having a physical control on her body's reaction that was simply adorable and she was quick, extremely quick. The whole incident ended with Malcolm finding himself back on the ground with the young woman standing above him offering him a hand, asking him with a cynical smile on her face if he wished to try again.

But he didn't seem to wish for that, he was even to stunned to detect the cynism in her eyes and voice. Probably due to the fact that he had no idea what had actually just happened to him. But he wished to know though.

"How did you do it – how did you become that skilled?"

She took a hard look at him – giving it a few moments of silence and thinking before she took a step closer to him, nearing her face to his and whispering at him in a low voice.

"Have you ever been forced to kill someone, Lieutenant?"

"Of course – I did..."

"I meant really killed someone – face to face, being that close you could smell the other's sweat and hear his breath? Have you ever been attacked, fighting for your life? Have you ever killed anyone with your bare hands, having his blood on them when he was finally dead?"

He was – almost immediately – taking a step backwards and she could see him swallow hard. Now he was finally able to look behind her outward appearance, seeing what kind of a person was inside of her... And he obviously didn't like what he saw. He couldn't believe, couldn't even imagine that she had ever done anything like this – but her words, the tone of her voice told him he was wrong. He had no idea how to respond to her question...

"I have, Lieutenant. I did. It was the only way to survive the hell I was born into and I'm good at it, really good... The one thing that makes me a better fighter than you are is the fact that I had the best teachers. The people on my homeplanet have no scruples, no honor – they don't know how to fight a fair fight... and neither do I."

"I'm sorry..."

It was the most lamest and inappropriate reaction he probably had ever given to anyone. And he knew it – it was visible on her face. The cynical smile reappeared on it, as she shrugged with her shoulders and gave him another look.

"There's nothing to be sorry about... It cannot be changed – I have grown up at a place where people were killing each other for no reason, for the pure sardistic fun of it. I believe you have never seen a vissirated body or had been forced to burry a loved one yourself. Well, I did – that makes one able to harden to the unfairnesses of the world."

"One? You are not only talking of yourself, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"So what do you mean? That Trip would be able to do this, too?"

"**Kyran** would be able to do it, too – yes. But that wasn't what I meant. It goes much further than this..."

He wasn't sure he understood what she was talking about. But if he was he didn't want to even think about it...She had been talking about being forced to... kill someone else – he could hardly even think the words and he didn't want them to be true. It was pretty much unimaginable to him. But against better knowledge and reason he asked her none the less.

"You mean he could kill someone?"

"He could do so – even you, if necessary. It's a simple fact of the life we lived – it's rather the others or you. There aren't any more options."


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

The words Thydia had said to him earlier, were still echoing in Malcolm's ears. But he still wasn't able to believe them and even if he could, he wouldn't have wanted to think about it. The consequences emerging from her words were just too grave, too widespread. It once again showed him that the person they had taken back aboard had almost nothing in common with the person that had disappeared from here two years ago.

He had changed, had been forced – due to the circumstances he had – literally – been thrown into. But knowing this didn't make it any easier on anyone of the crew to get along with this fact. Trip himself seemed to actually like the position the Captain had offered to him, although he hadn't told anyone about it.

His skills were still the same – even better, due to the creativity he had been forced to use on the deserted planet. The problem were his social skills and the fact that he was more qualified then the new Chief Engineer of Enterprise was. There were constant problems down in Engineering these days and an angry Chief Engineer in charge who was constantly complaining.

Trip however didn't seem to care about it that much – neither the complaints and fights with the Chief Engineer, nor the attempts of his former Engineering crew to be friendly and respectful with him. He didn't much talk to them – not about anything personal after all and he did not have much of any friendly word for anyone of them.

They quickly realised that having him back, didn't really mean exactly this. They had gotten the same human body back, but a completely different personality... They put some effort into it, before they decided to stop trying and just left him in peace.

His free time was the other very difficult thing, for he had not even the slightest interest to spend any of his time outside his quarters and away from Thydia... Jonathan had tried several times to invite the two of them for dinner, but they never accepted – they actually didn't even take the opportunity to have dinner at Mess Hall with the rest of the crew.

They were all on their own for the whole time of the journey back to Earth and they made no effort to adjust to life aboard and to befriend with the rest of the crew. He knew he probably was prejudiced, but he believed Thydia was responsible for Trip's behavior of not getting close to anyone.

The strangest experience Jonathan had encountered during their journey had been the two of them standing in one of the corridors laughing and talking together in the Talian tongue without taking any notice of the people around them and the strange looks they were getting from them.

He had been on his way from Mess Hall back to the bridge as he had encountered the two of them. Of course it was uncommon, but as both of them had ended their shifts and he had no reason or right to tell them what to do in their free time, he hadn't spend much of a thought on insisting against their behavior. Especially not in front of the passing by crew...

It was what happened afterwards that troubled him deeply, because he had never even imagined there would have been any chance for anything even close to this happening. One of the armory staff aproached Thydia right then – probably just to ask her about something – without any of the two noticing her.

When she touched Thydia by the arm, her reaction was that sudden, rough and aggressive that it caused Jonathan to wince and the young woman aproaching the two was most definitely half scared to death. The fact that she gasped out in surprise and probably in pain was a perfect hint for it.

Thydia had grabbed the hand that lay on her shoulder and had turned it around, forcing the woman to turn her back to her, not being any kind of danger to Thydia any more. From out of nowhere Thydia produced a sharp looking knife and held it to the young woman's neck, threatening her.

Jonathan was unable to react for a moment – he couldn't even believe what he was looking at right now was actually happening. It just couldn't be, it looked like a bad dream... or some sort of a soap opera which had just reached it's redicolous climax. Silence fell between all of them as nobody else was able to react. The only thing that was audible was the woman's sharp, rapid breathing.

Trip was the first to react however and what he said scared Jon even more than Thydia's action. He was talking to the woman, in the Talian tongue for some strange reason, but Jon had heard the words before. He was asking her what she wanted from Thydia... It wasn't what he was asking her or the way he did – it was the simple fact that he asked after all.

Jonathan had expected her to be angry with Thydia, to immediately tell her that she couldn't behave like this. That this was no longer the deserted planet she had lived at and that nobody meant any harm to her. But he didn't, he was fully standing behind her actions.

He didn't stop her, he didn't tell her not to do this, to stop it and put the knife away. He wouldn't insist against her threatening the girl, he wouldn't do anything after all. He was just lookig at the young woman from armory without any visible emotion on his face, waiting for her to answer Thydia's question.

Jonathan however – after a few seconds of realizing what was going on, was at the scene of action within another moment. He didn't even care about asking for any reason or explanation. Grabbing Thydia's arm and forcing her away from the woman's neck, he managed to get her to stop her attack on the other officer. The young woman took a quick step away, gasped once again and left as quickly as she was even possible.

"What – for heaven's sake – were you thinking, you were doing!"

Thydia didn't answer his question, she just looked at him in anger, still holding the knife in her hands. She wouldn't say anything after all, treating him like he had no right to ask her, no right to insist – like she hadn't done anything wrong. It was Trip who answered his question instead.

"She protected herself. She tried to attack her!"

"She just wanted to talk to her! She completely overreacted."

"Don't talk about her like she isn't here!"

"Kyran – stop it, it doesn't matter, he doesn't understand. He will never understand..."

She didn't even react to the fact that he was standing there, talking to them, trying to tell them that they were doing things the wrong way. She wasn't paying atention to him and she didn't care what he was saying. She had her own life, made her own decisions and had her own truth and he and his words weren't a part of it.

But he was angry with her – he was absolutely furious and he wouldn't let her get away – not this time. She had gone way too far this time and it was his responsibility to take care of her failures. This wasn't her ship, she couldn't just do what she wanted...

It was the fact that Trip actually seemed to believe she could, that she had a right to. For he was defending her and he hadn't done anything in the first place. This was what feared and troubled him the most. He seemed to lack of any kind of understanding and responsibility and Jonathan couldn't understand it, he just couldn't. He was once again asking himself where his friend had gone to.

"I do not understand, but maybe you want to explain?"

"Even if we would try, you wouldn't understand it. You haven't lived the life we had. You will never understand why we would use a knife to protect us, if someone aproaches us from behind without saying a word..."

Trip's words left him stunned – this didn't work, it was of no use after all. He wouldn't reach them, he wouldn't make them understand – never.

"No, I don't understand – you're right and I don't want to understand. I don't want to talk about this with you any more, it's of no use. I won't do anything about it for this last time, but if I ever hear about anything like this ever again, I promise I will take steps this time... You can't do things like that, you can't. You're aboard this ship and under Starfleet jurisdiction. Respect it!"

It was silent for a moment and the expression on Thydia's face mirrored her annoyance. He knew she wished to insist, but for this time she was held back by Trip, who gave him a short, forced smile.

"We will try,... Sir."


	21. Chapter 20

A.N.: Final chapter is up! Thanks to everyone who reviewed – I really apreciate it. There may be a sequel if anyone's interested and if I evr find the time to cure my writer's block and get it done…

Chapter 20:

Jonathan had hailed Starfleet Command again – telling them they would be back in a few weeks and had asked them to keep their return as private as possible. He had even asked them to not inform Trip's parents about it. He had for once – since they were aboard – listened to one of the young aliens woman's proposals.

She had asked him – actually asked him in a friendly tone – to not allow his family to welcome him. He didn't remember them and it was almost sure he wouldn't do so when they would approach Earth. It would just hurt all of them – him for not remembering them and his family for not getting back the son that he once was.

Jonathan had agreed to it – hesitatingly but he had done it and he actually had found an ally in Admiral Forrest, who was absolutely agreeing with his, better said the young woman's suggestion. He didn't want to break with protocol on this particular matter and as the young woman was an alien and Trip had been on that alien planet for the past two years – there were a lot of questions that needed to be answered, before the two of them would be allowed to go anywhere...

He hadn't given this information to Trip and especially he hadn't given it to Thydia. He was pretty sure she would freak out on it – would be absolutely furious if she found out about Starfleet procedure. He would leave it to the officers down on the planet's surface to deal with her.

He had no idea what the two of them had to expect exactly when they returned. In Thydia's case – got there for the first time. After all she was an alien, the only Talian that would be living on Earth and Trip was still a member of Starfleet although he didn't remember it. They probably would have to go through a long phase of talking and of physical examination, before they would be able to live a normal life.

He asked himself what it would be like for the two of them – they both didn't know the place they were going to – Thydia had never been there and Trip didn't remember being there. They had had a life on the desert planet – a miserable one though, but a life. Now they would be forced to start all over again. But they were both more the stubborn kind of character – they would find their way. He had no doubt about that.

He had done a lot of thinking for the past day since they had entered their homeplanet's solarsystem. Since they were close to home again. They had taken it slowly for now, he didn't feel any need to hurry, he wanted the two of them to have some more time for themselves, time for a final adjustment.

Keeping a close eye on them it had been a pretty good idea. He had seen fear when looking at them – Thydia was the one being able to hide it a little better, but still it was there, it was visible. He could understand it – he just hoped it wouldn't stay this way. It was a crude time right now.

Today was now the final day of their journey – no more delays, no more chances to run away, no more hiding. They were back, they were home... They had already been hailed and asked to send the two of them down, but Jonathan had managed to give them some more minutes aboard. For a first look at what was to be their future homeworld.

He had ordered both of them to the bridge, asking them to take a look at the wide viewscreen showing the beautiful picture of Earth that was sitting down under them. He had heard the unwillingness – especially in Thydia's voice. She didn't like to be ordered. But it changed, changed the moment she entered the room and moved her eyes to the screen.

He had never before experienced her like this – that revealing and emotional. She was actually smiling all over her face, wrenching her hands in excitement. She couldn't take her eyes of the viewscreen, of the picture of the planet that was shown on it. Jonathan – could understand her feelings... It was a beautiful look, even to adjusted eyes, but for someone who had never seen a jungle or an ocean before...

"Look at that! Isn't this beautiful? Isn't this just a dream? All these shapes in green and blue – it's a miracle! Have you ever seen anything more beautiful then this? Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

She turned to Trip, looking at him in amazement and wonder. His expression however was almost emotionless – but Jonathan believed he was seeing a slight smile on his friend's face. Trip was taking a few steps behind the young woman, holding her tightly from behind and looking down on the planet with her in unison, answering her in a soft voice.

"No, I haven't"

Jonathan was silently correcting him, wearing a slight smile on his face.

"Actually – you have..."


End file.
